Episode--119 Mothers Day 2020

Childless not by Choice

Mother’s Day 2020

Intro:Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in. Welcome to episode 119!

Well, we have some things to talk about this Mother’s Day. But before we get into that...

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So...let me start by saying this, although it may sound like I am starting a conversation in the middle of a sentence...

• Being kind to yourself alleviates the painful words and nonsense from family, friends and strangers. When you are kind to yourself, you like yourself.
• You have to like you, sincerely like you, faults, and warts, and all. And when that happens, then you will get to the point where you love yourself. I’m not talking about a prideful, haughty, perfectionist like or love. I am talking about a self-respecting love despite faults and failures. You must know that no one is perfect, not even beautiful you. We will all have faults and failures. The key is to know what they are. Look them in the eye and know them. Then make the decision every day not to allow them to define you. When you do that, failures will happen, but much less often than if you pretended you were perfect and everyone else was at fault. This is a great segue to point number three...
• We are all in different places in our cnbc journey in particular, and in our life journey in general. This means we cannot compare our journey to someone else’s. Look, there can be a group of childless not by choice women sitting chatting together, and one of the women in the group can be so deep in her grief she might be thinking to herself that another woman in the group doesn’t seem so dissatisfied with her life. This woman probably did not want kids to begin with. And nothing could be further from the truth. It just so happens that this sincerely happy woman is at a place in her life where she has achieved acceptance. See what I did there? The key word is achieved. It takes work to reach acceptance. And even after acceptance has been achieved, she may still have moments that last a few seconds or a few minutes where she feels a tug, a whisper, of what might have been.
• Grief, you know? It doesn’t completely disappear, it blends into the fabric of who we are, our experiences. It doesn’t get erased, forgotten, or ignored.
• So, when the insensitivities come, and they will, they will be met with, if not now, at some point on your journey, proper boundaries of self-respect and self-love. Such healthy boundaries will allow us to deal with insensitivity year-round, but especially on Mother’s Day.
• Well, I could not end this bittersweet Mother’s Day without wishing my own mommy a Happy Mother’s Day. My heart is still broken into a million pieces. May 6th will be a year, but it feels like just yesterday that she left this earth where she was bound by constant pain. I miss her more than words can say. And my subconscious knows it because the closer we get to May 6th, 2020, the more my heartaches. The more I feel the tears coursing down my face out of nowhere. It’s amazing how little the world cares about your loss, and how much that small circle of friends does. I am so thankful for the wonderful women who have rallied around me. They know who they are. The wonderful women who are physically nearby, and the wonderful admins in our childless not by choice group who have their own lives to deal with, but still tend to our Facebook group. Thank you to all of you for checking in, for praying, for kind words, for community. Whether you are a mother or not, you have the heart of a mother, and no one can take that away from you.

Episode takeaways:

‘The closer we get to May 6th 2020, the more the tears course down my face out of nowhere.’

‘Thank you to all of you for checking in, for your kind words, for community.’

‘Mother’s Day is not easy for so many reasons.’

‘I don’t like to say things like ‘she’s in a better place...I’d rather say she’s in a place where there is no pain.’

‘As a Believer, I know she is in Heaven, and I know Heaven is a much better place than this earth, but I prefer to say she is in a place where there is no pain.’

‘Whether you are a mother or not, you have the heart of a mother, and no one can take that away from you. Happy Mother’s Day.’

‘You’re where you’re supposed to be.’

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Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!

‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’

‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.