Seriously researched answers to absolutely ridiculous questions. New episodes every week.
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The April 1999 massacre at Columbine High School hurtled the United States into an era of mass shootings. Now, a quarter century later, the horrors of that day have become an almost regular facet of American life, and gun violence a record-smashing epidemic. Clad in both camouflage and Kevlar, 21st-century America is a bastion of freedom where workplaces require active shooter protocols, schools run lockdown drills, and the Second Amendment has become a religion unto itself. Guns are a uniqu ...
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Double Jump Over This Human Meatball
1:10:34
1:10:34
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It's spoOOooOoky season! This week we're scaring you with a giant pasta topping! 👻 Not scared? What if I told you it's a meatball made of EVERY HUMAN? Oh, did I forget to mention that crucial detail? What's more terrifying than a GIANT MEATBALL OF ALL HUMANS?! MWAHAHAHA! (Just imagine the ODOR.) Would something that massive have its own gravity? Wh…
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Immortal Squirrels Slain By Salad
1:03:27
1:03:27
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In this wild episode, Julian infects your brain with the realization that plants can be VERY murdery, and Trace is driven NUTS looking for an elusive immortal animal. QUESTIONS Julian: "Why aren’t there plant-based diseases that affect animals?" from Isaiah Trace: "What food could you feed a squirrel to make it immortal?" from Trevor Do you have an…
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The Inescapable Sadness of the Kool-Aid Man | feat. Dr Rohin Francis of Medlife Crisis
1:12:28
1:12:28
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This episode Trace tries to find the secret to happiness and special guest host Dr Rohin Francis swaps out blood for something with a tangy, fruity kick. Oh yeah! Oh no! QUESTIONS Trace: "Must we know a negative thing to understand the positive?" from Buena Rohin: "Could you replace all your blood with kool-aid?" from Allyson Do you have an absurd …
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A Ghostly Fireworky Glow Up | feat. Ceri Riley of SciShow Tangents
1:11:55
1:11:55
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We haven’t seen this many fireworks since the Rockefeller Center did that spectacularly wild “Salute to Fireworks” back in 2007. This time around, guest-host Ceri Riley ponders what if fireworks were a normal part of the weather? And Trace ponders the spirits of the great beyond. He tries so, so hard not to bring up his time in the Victorian Era. S…
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The "Creative" Engineering of Star Wars Blasters
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This is the episode you're looking for. This week Trace gets creative with an answer about unponderable ponderances, and Julian goes pew pew a lot with a poll-winning quesiton about Picard’s favorite weapon! We have a NEW HOPE that you’ll enjoy episode 52! QUESTIONS Julian: "What would a Star Wars blaster and/or ray gun be like if it could exist?" …
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Is Lava Wet?! | feat Dr Alex Dainis
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Get your moisture sensors ready. In this episode Dr Alex Dainis slides into the scientific journals all about lubrication to understand the slip-factor of classic yellow bananas. Meanwhile, Julian argues with an actual, college educated PhD scientist about the wetness of molten lava. Is Julian actually… correct?! QUESTIONS Julian: "Is lava wet" fro…
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The Poor Goaile is… Everywhere | feat. Tom Scott
1:19:45
1:19:45
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1:19:45
You’re at a hockey game. You grabbed nachos and your favorite sports beverage. The Mighty Ducks are playing their rivals, and you look away from the ice to take a selfie with a selfie stick so long you have to brace it against your hip to snap the pic. You’re smiling with your crew, when a flash of white light envelops the stadium as the air catche…
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Deep Conversations With Whales
1:16:21
1:16:21
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A rogue viking pirate planet hurtles through space looking for plunder and booty. The human race has become a destitute vampiric race obsessed with ancient sea shanties and frequent meteor showers. A whale in the North Atlantic hears a distant whale song from an individual it doesn’t recognize. It’s repeating a warning to stay away from a large met…
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Freaky Mermaids, "REAL" Dragons, and Trace's Evil Twin| feat Ellen Weatherford (Just the Zoo of Us)
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Description 🎶 Game of Thrones theme 🎶 DRA-GONS. WHAT ARE DRAG-ONS? LET US KNOWWWWWW OR MER-MAIDS. FRICKIN’ MER-MAIDS… HOW THEY GOOOOO? PLUS JUUUU-LIAN WANTS TO CHECK ON MIRROR TRAAAACE HE THINKS, THIS MIRROR TRACE MIGHT BE EVIL TRAAAAAACE! 👏👏👏👏👏👏 Today in Pod 48 Ellen Weatherford from “Just The Zoo of Us” (family friendly) and “Spellbound and Gagge…
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Exploding Three Ways (Yikes)
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1:13:01
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Welcome to episode 48. Are you allergic to cats? When you visit friends does their cat seem to know (somehow) and roll up on you even though you’re ignoring it?! “WTF CAT. YOU’RE LITERALLY MURDERING ME,” you think intensely while sipping your white wine. “Wait, does the cat… KnOW?!” Trace pours himself a glass of that crisp white, and digs into the…
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Volcanos. Tornadoes. Nuclear Waste… This is Fine.
1:24:05
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For this episode Julian and Trace tackled the very uplifting and shiny topics of tornados and nuclear waste. No worries y’all! Everything here is so great! We’re not trying to lift giant building with natural disasters! No way! We’re not attempting to create a wild atomic disaster by throwing waste into an active volcano! HAHA Who would do that?! C…
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Two Butts. No Bones. Thriving. | Feat. Ben Bowlin
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1:44:17
In episode 45 Julian deconstructs the human experience without our boney scaffold, Trace calculates the detriment (or delight?) of doubling the derriere, and our guest Ben Bowlin (from iHeart Radio’s Ridiculous History, Stuff they Don’t Want You to Know) sings the praises of the American accent. QUESTIONS Julian: "What if humans no bones?" from Fab…
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Photosynthetic Nudists and Solving Problems with Copious Amounts of Seawater
1:21:12
1:21:12
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Trace returns to find out if humans could take the green stuff from plants and make enough energy to live. meanwhile, Julian tries to understand if a wild idea would solve anything… Anything at all? QUESTIONS Julian: “What if you filled the grand canyon with ocean water? Would that solve anything?” from Roman Trace combines two questions: “What if …
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Radioactive Bunnies & Infinite-Sided Dice | feat. Nora Bailey
1:11:02
1:11:02
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This week astrophysicist Dr Nora Bailey joins Julian roll a set of huge, spherical dice on the future of irradiated bunnies in mech suits. Yes this is a real question. Does this sound like an episode of that Morty show to you? Me too. QUESTIONS Julian: "What is the maximum number faces you can fit on a die before it becomes a sphere?" from Aaron No…
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Hiccuping Chickens & Wheeled Wildlife | feat. Sophie Shrand
1:10:29
1:10:29
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1:10:29
This week’s guest host *hic* Sophie Shrand *hic* explores the silly spasm of *hic* hiccuping. Meanwhile, Julian attempts to understand why evolution didn’t re-invent the wheel. QUESTIONS Sophie: "Do animals other than humans hiccup?" from Hillary Julian: "Why don't we seem to see any animals that have evolved wheels?" from Jade Do you have an absur…
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Either You Iocaine or You 1-0-can’t
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1:16:31
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In this episode, it's a battle of (nit)wits! Trace discovers the deadly truth about poison immunity while Julian figures out how to make the worst numbering system imaginable. Questions Julian: "Can you still do maths using a unary (base 1) numeral system?" from Mason Trace: "How long would it have taken Westley to build up his immunity to iocaine …
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It's Like Rocket Science, But Dumber
1:24:55
1:24:55
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When Trace was a kid he was a sleepwalker. His parents closed the door to his bedroom. They heard him bonking against the door over and over. They love to tell this story. Now I'm telling you! Sleepwalking is weird, right? Are we the only ones who do that? Julian looks into it. Plus, as long as we’re wondering things … have you ever wondered if you…
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Filthy Witches and Body Blimps
1:14:46
1:14:46
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This episode Trace travels to the magical land of Oz. It’s disgusting. Meanwhile Julian is going to meet him there as soon as he can fill his head with 7 cement trucks' worth of gas. **QUESTIONS** Julian: "If you were to blow up a person like a balloon, how big would we need to get before we can fly under our own power?" from Isaiah Trace: "How unc…
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Reach for the Neutron Stargate
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1:00:15
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Science agrees: black holes are really cool. TAPE listener Robert, on the other hand, disagrees with science, and thinks their slightly-less-dense-but-still-absurdly-dense cousins known as Neutron Stars are cooler. He’s decided to pet one. Julian explores the smorgasbord of ways he would probably die horribly if he tried. Meanwhile Trace geeks out …
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DnD Pee and Chickpea TNT
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This week Trace’s quest for answers takes him to a magical fantasy land of wizards, frozen keys, and bodily fluids. Meanwhile Julian discovers that there are about 3 degrees of separation between chickpeas and dynamite. Yes, really. QUESTIONS Julian: "Could you make an explosive out of chick peas?" from Jesse Trace: "Can you pee on an object that i…
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Mistaken Artifacts, Tiny Tasty Treats, and War (Seriously, What is it Good For?) | feat Joe Scott
1:34:10
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Imagine there’s no war. Would we have cell phones? GPS? Shovels?! Would we still be able to pop open a tube of delicious mini-M&Ms? Will a future historian believe the Green M&M was some kind of Goddess of Love? (Yes). This is a wild ride of an episode featuring TAPE friend Joe Scott of the YouTube show Answers with Joe! Double doses of history PLU…
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Metaphorically Heavy Fog Juice
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57:43
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57:43
Have you ever felt someone’s gaze on you? This episode Julian explores why we seem to sense when eyes are on us. Meanwhile Trace gets lost in a fog so thick he has to drink his way out. QUESTIONS Julian: "How much does regard weigh?" from Sabrina Trace: "Can you drink fog?" from Grace Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a…
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You Shower Too Often But Can Never Helicopter Enough
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You are showering too often. Helicopters are insane. Soap is ancient magic chemistry. This time around, Trace tells everyone all about cleanliness while attempting to dodge the wellness and clean eating industry zealots. Then, Julian geeks out on the wild engineering of helicopters AND debunks a related meme about jets going to the gym. QUESTIONS T…
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Generation Lockdown
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Raised on active shooter and lockdown drills, Gen Z has endured an onslaught of violence — and emerged inspiring a wave of activism, a powerful gun safety movement, and hope.Von Long Lead & PRX & The Trace & Campside Media
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A Whole New Word, An Old Pair of Genes
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This episode Trace tries to track down the first word ever uttered by human kind and Julian gets confused about how reproduction works… again… QUESTIONS Julian: "What if every set of DNA passed on from each individual were identical, respectively?" from Brandon Trace: "What was the first word?" from Tyler Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's …
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Easy to handle and easy to conceal, handguns went boom in the 2000s, the same moment when many Americans — falsely and tragically — began to equate guns with safety.Von Long Lead & PRX & The Trace & Campside Media
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Could We Colonize a Gas Giant? What if we were Vampires? | feat. Dr Simon Clark
1:27:24
1:27:24
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In this absolutely absurd episode, Dr Simon Clark ponders if human's could colonize an atmosphere like Jupiter's -- Star Wars Cloud City is on trial. Speaking of gas giants, Julian digs into the evolutionary experiment that could give rise to a vampire. But first, Trace leads us off by learning about the uneven distribution of kitty cat toe beans! …
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The Right to Bear AR-15s
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48:54
After a devastating, now largely forgotten, mass-shooting prompted lawmakers to take aim at assault weapons in the 1990s, their ban backfired — and caused gun sales to explode.Von Long Lead & PRX & The Trace & Campside Media
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THE ABSURD-IVERSARY LIGHTNING ROUND SPECTACULAR!!!!
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🎉 Happy Anniversary to us!! 🎊 It’s been one year since we launched That's Absurd Please Elaborate and what an absurdly fun ride it's been. To celebrate we tweaked the show just a bit. Our special guest, producer/editor Kyle Sisk, has selected six listener-submitted questions for Julian and Trace to answer. The catch? They only have five minutes to …
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Making Peace With Squirrels, Waging War With Crabs | feat. Deboki Chakravarti
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1:31:06
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Did you know scientists turned a swarm of crabs into a computer? Julian explores if it can play an old video game. Plus, our guest Deboki feels out animal pregnancy, and Trace learns that Ben Franklin wrote a eulogy for a pet squirrel. QUESTIONS Trace: "Would squirrels still be so annoying if we weren’t around to observe them?" from Deboki Deboki "…
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In the 1980s, a pair of intimidating NRA leaders recast the organization in their own imposing images as the group went on an all-out offensive against gun regulations.Von Long Lead & PRX & The Trace & Campside Media
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What if People Reproduced Like Plants? | feat. Maynard Okereke (Hip Hop MD)
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This time around, guest Hip Hop MD stamens your pistol and Julian admits (surprising no one) that he flows with nerd core. QUESTIONS Julian: "What rapper would make the greatest scientist, and what would their game changing discovery or invention be?" from Maynard Maynard (Hip Hop MD): "What if people reproduced like plants do" from Anonymous Do yo…
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The Second Amendment may have begun as a Constitutional afterthought, but a late 20th-century ideological shift caused some to view it as a sacred right in the name of self defense.Von Long Lead & PRX & The Trace & Campside Media
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It’s a Fart Rocket Breakthrough! Time to Hyper-Sleep to Jupiter
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This week Julian explores the rocket science of farts. That’s a sentence that had likely never been written until this moment. Trace talks about the science of stasis, a.k.a hyper-sleep, a.k.a. cryo-freeze. As a bonus, we all get to learn the predictive powers of the 1993 classic film “Demolition Man.” QUESTIONS Julian: "How hard would I have to fa…
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A Uniquely American Problem
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41:04
Mass shootings have plagued the U.S. for generations. But in 1999, when shots rang out in a suburban Denver school, it was different. What changed? Everything.Von Long Lead & PRX & The Trace & Campside Media
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An Endless Eclipse and Pineapple-Based Crimes
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This episode Trace imagines what it would take to lock a world in darkness while Julian does something very suspicious with pineapples. QUESTIONS Trace: "Would it be possible to have a permanent solar eclipse?" from Aaron Julian: "Is there an amount of pineapple that can dissolve a human body?" from Macks Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's …
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This season host Garrett Graff, in collaboration with The Trace, recounts how a very specific, carefully manufactured fear has driven explosive demand for guns across the U.S. It’s the history of how firearms went from being an ordinary part of rural American life to a menacing element in modern society — and the epidemic of gun violence that’s com…
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One year ago today we announced the launch of That's Absurd Please Elaborate. Now on this April Fools' day we have another exciting (and real!) announcement (because we're bad at marketing and didn't consider that announcing things on April 1st might cause people to doubt it's veracity). ASK US A QUESTION Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's …
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Eww… Eww!! Potatoes? | feat. Sam Jones
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1:21:35
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In this revolting episode, our guest Dr Sam Jones asks Julian to never see a man about a horse again, then she weeds out the filth in the animal kingdom, and finally Trace gives us a palate cleanser of starchy, potatoey goodness. QUESTIONS Julian: "If all humans never had to poop again — how would it affect the world?" from Sam Sam Jones: "What is …
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The BONKERS Reason Ice IS NOT Slippery | feat. Matthew Krol
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1:01:16
This time on T.A.P.E. — Matt Krol digs into cinema history to answer a deathly serious question, and Trace is out cold answering a question mulled over by scientists for centuries. Julian is helping out at NASA so he’ll be back next week. QUESTIONS Trace: "Why EXACTLY is ice slippery?" from Matt Krol Matt: “What actor has died the most in movies?” …
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Ahem, No. X-Rays Will NOT Cook Soup
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This week Julian wonders if you can really cook your jumblies with microwaves and 5G, and Trace dives into linguistics and chemistry to learn if the ocean is actually a very broth-forward soup. QUESTIONS Julian: "Microwaves are the most common way to use radiation to cook food, could we use radio, gamma, or X-Rays to cook food?" from Aaron Trace: "…
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Real Weird Things About The Human Body That Need Fixing
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This episode Trace indulges us with why chocolate is so popular on valentines day and Julian goes deep on why his body (and everyone else’s for that matter) is such a mess. QUESTIONS Julian: "Can the human body “design” be improved on intentionally" from Xander Trace: "Why do people like chocolate so much on special holidays" from Lee Do you have a…
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Oh No. Did You Time Travel with a Chicken?!
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In this episode, Trace wonders if "Weird" Al Yankovic influenced a generation of people to say "my back teeth are floating," and Julian time travels to the Triassic with a cold (and maybe a chicken). QUESTIONS Trace: "Why do my teeth feel like they are floating or vibrating when I really have to go to the bathroom. " from Spencer Julian: "If you we…
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But Will Aliens Actually Comprehend “On Your Left?”
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1:15:06
This episode Trace resets the solar system to see what life would look like on “Wee Earth” and Julian finally learns his left from his right thanks for particle physics. QUESTIONS Julian: "If I had some magic communicator to speak to someone in another galaxy, could I explain what "left" and "right" were?" from Anonymous Trace: "How would have life…
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A Throwback: What Is the UN-Pointiest Thing?
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1:26:20
This episode we have special guest Ralph Crewe (Writer/Producer, Practical Engineering) who gets exhausted trying to explain continuous breathing, Julian mulls over the least pointy thing (shout out to Pod 007) and Trace takes a Mayan Bak-tun to explain why the heck there are 60 minutes in an hour. QUESTIONS Trace: "Are there other systems of timek…
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Legumes, Fruits and Ticklish Mooses | Holiday Special
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1:03:55
This episode Trace cracks the mystery of nuts, and Julian tickles a moose and a buffalo* for science!? You’ll have to listen to find out! QUESTIONS Julian: "Is riding a moose more like petting a buffalo or tickling a grizzly bear?" from Brendan F. Trace: "Are nuts actually fruit pits?" from Sandy in Seattle Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it'…
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Ex Machina de Toilet Paper | feat. Vanessa Hill
1:15:27
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In this week's episode, Julian tracks the history of toilet paper to its source, Trace gives a gorilla some workout advice, and special guest Vanessa Hill grows a whole human after an unfortunate fireworks accident. QUESTIONS Julian: "Before the invention of toilet paper, how did people relieve their bottom as to not clog the pipes?" From Vanessa T…
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Eat a Variety of Colorful Humans | Thanksgiving Special
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1:02:49
This week Trace explains why organic doesn’t mean what you think it means and Julian researches whether grizzly bears have more biological variation than humans do! Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate. We're most thankful for YOU listening to this little show. QUESTIONS Trace: "If we only ate organic vegetables how many people would starve?" fr…
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So… Why Do We Have Lawns?
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59:22
This episode Julian takes a pole on the magnetic dynamo inside our planet, and Trace explores how 19th century French landscaping grew on everyone. QUESTIONS Julian: "Could you wirelessly charge using the Earth’s magnetic field?" from listener 26Matso Trace: "Who invented the Lawn?" from listener Brian M. Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's …
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A Carnivorous Horse & Headless Human | Halloween 2023
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1:05:53
In this (very scary) episode, Julian loses his head (no one seems to notice) and Trace unleashes the ultimate nightMare: an apex predator HORSE! WHINNY! THUNDER CLAP! ORGAN MUSIC!!! QUESTIONS Julian: "How long could we survive without a head?" from Trace Trace: "What if horses were apex predators?" from listener Meg Do you have an absurd question? …
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