So you want to outgrow porn. But how? How do you change your brain, heal your heart, and save your relationship? Welcome to Husband Material with Drew Boa, where we answer all these questions and more! Each episode makes it easier for you to achieve lasting freedom from porn—without fighting an exhausting battle. Porn is a pacifier. This podcast will help you outgrow it and become a sexually mature man of God.
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If it's true that "...the opposite of addiction is not sobriety...the opposite of addiction is connection," there are lots of people who need to discover what true, healthy connection looks like. Whether the struggle is with addiction, toxic relationship dynamics, or something else, we've all tried to meet our needs in some really unhealthy ways. Way too often, the things we run to for comfort leave us feeling even more disconnected and alone than before. Through conversations about the many ...
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15 | I Don't Think Those Tears Are Just Mine (with Gordon Bals)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Gordon Bals has a bit of a reputation around Birmingham Alabama. Many people have referred to him as "that counselor who cries with you." I can't think of too many higher compliments a person could receive. Gordon founded Daymark Pastoral Counseling in Birmingham AL, and is on faculty at Beeson Divin…
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Why Doesn't God Remove My Sexual Thoughts And Feelings? (LIVE)
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If you've spent years wishing your sexual thoughts and feelings would go away, this episode is for you. Related resources: Unwanted, by Jay Stringer (paid link) How To Interpret Sexual Fantasies How To Analyze Sexual Fantasies Why We Sexualize Emotions...And How To Desexualize Them Take the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast…
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14 | You Just Might Find You Get What You Need (Bonus Recap Episode)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Whether you're just discovering the podcast now, or have been listening since the very beginning, this episode is for you! We're giving you a bonus that recaps the first 13 episodes we've released so far. Covering experiences like recovery, honesty, friendship, self-awareness, trust, affirmation, for…
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How To Develop Empathy For Your Wife (with Nathaniel Gustafson)
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Have you ever felt unable to enter into your wife's pain? In this episode, Nathaniel Gustafson explains how to come close to your wife in a way she is more likely to trust. You'll learn how to stay out of shame, keep the spotlight on her, and practice these skills before "game time." Sobriety is not enough. You must learn empathy. Nathaniel's compa…
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13 | Special But Not Unique (with Nate Larkin)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" When people tell stories of early recovery, and talk about special individuals whose help and presence was indispensable, there may be no name that comes up more often than Nate Larkin. Literally thousands of men can say they've sat across from Nate in a coffee shop, hearing his story of sexual broke…
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How Women Can Help Men Heal (with Britta Eskey)
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Many men have been wounded by women. In this episode, Britta Eskey explains how women can help men heal wounds caused by women. Without women, we are missing half of humanity. Britta Eskey co-founded COR, which assists people in finding and living their purpose, including through the Noble Man workshop. Britta is the author of Initiations in Love, …
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Three Unhealed Boys Within Every Man
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Did you know that you have more than one inner child? In this episode, you'll get to know three types of unhealed boys within you. Then at the end, I'll share what it looks like to help them heal. You'll meet: The "good boy" who became "the hero." The "bad boy" who became "the villain." The "hurt boy" who became "the victim." Related episodes: Porn…
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12 | Change is Seldom Spectacular (with Sharon Hersh)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" We're really excited to welcome a guest who has been really helpful and influential in our lives, even though we'd never met before the podcast interview. Sharon Hersh is a therapist and author, whose book The Last Addiction: Why Self-Help is Not Enough was one of the first ones Stacey read when our …
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A New Approach To Internet Filtering (with Plucky)
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Have you ever tried to remove access to porn on your digital devices? What if you could create a filter with no loopholes? In this episode, you'll learn a new and innovative approach to internet filtering with Jon and Kristin Wilkes, founders of pluckyfilter.com. You'll also hear from Scott Wurtz, a passionate Plucky user. If you're interested in p…
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11 | The Light is Brighter Than it Seems (with Michael John Cusick)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" For men and women seeking recovery from unwanted sexual behavior, few people have been as influential or helpful as Michael John Cusick. Greg, Stacey, and Bobby all share some of our experiences with how Michael's book and podcast have been invaluable in our own path forward. Greg first met Michael i…
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Outgrowing Porn in Marriage (with Rich and Deanna Millentree)
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How can a couple devastated by porn heal, grow, and become even stronger? In this episode, Rich and Deanna Millentree tell their incredible story. "We're Rich and DeAnna Millentree and we love growing in marriage! We've ridden the rollercoaster of marriage for over 28 years. The ups are exhilarating, but the downs are daunting. As Christian Marriag…
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How To Transform Your Triggers: The F.L.O.S.S. Method (Part 2)
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In this episode, I transform one of my triggers using The F.L.O.S.S. Method with help from three Certified Husband Material Coaches: Andrew Loyd, Juan Mejia, and Rocky Pisor. This episode was recorded live at the recent HMA In A Day workshop as a live demonstration of Trigger Tuesday, one of the weekly coaching calls in Husband Material Academy. Th…
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How To Transform Your Triggers: The F.L.O.S.S. Method (Part 1)
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Triggers don't have to be tyrants. In this episode, you'll learn how to transform your triggers from threats into opportunities for healing using The F.LO.S.S. Method. This episode is an excerpt from the recent HMA In A Day workshop. The F.L.O.S.S. Method: F = Fear L = Lie O = Origin Story S = Sadness S = Surrender Free resource mentioned in this e…
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10 | Calling Out the Treasure (with Drew Boa)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Anyone who has interacted with Drew Boa knows he's a very special man. Drew loves people, and he has a gift for helping people realize how valuable they are. Some people's encouragement involves empty platitudes. Others give back-door advice disguised as encouragement. People who get to know Drew kno…
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How I Stopped Getting Into My Husband's Recovery Work Instead Of Doing Mine (with Tera Brown)
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Tera Brown went from trying to fix her husband's sex addiction to finding herself, her emotions, her boundaries, and her sacred ground. In this episode, you'll learn what it looks like to heal from relational trauma and feel alive in your body. Tera Brown is a trauma-informed life coach trained by APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addiction Tr…
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09 | Two Different Versions of Me (Bonus Story Episode)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" I'm really grateful to be able to share this conversation I had recently with my friend Darren. He is an alumnus of the Roots Retreat, and for the past several years has been actively growing in freedom and recovery from sexual addiction. Darren shares very openly and vulnerably about some of the str…
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Sitting In The Dirt Of Sexual Brokenness (with Jeremy Williamson)
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How do I sit in the dirt with someone who is experiencing sexual brokenness? What if I don't know what to say? What if I find myself dysregulated or sexually aroused by the other person? Jeremy Williamson offers invaluable wisdom and counterintuitive clarity about how "be with" others in such a way that they experience the presence of God. Jeremy W…
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08 | God's Not Mad at You (with Steve Brown)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Greg & Bobby have a conversation with one of their spiritual heroes. Steve Brown has been a pastor, a seminary professor, an author, and a radio host, among other things. Other than his rich, deep, booming voice, probably the best known thing about Steve is his steadfast commitment to preaching about…
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How To Do Experiential Healing Work
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Have you ever been disappointed by traditional counseling or talk therapy? In this episode, you'll discover the power of a whole-brain approach to outgrowing porn. You'll learn the why, what, and how of experiential healing work. This episode is required viewing for my clients. Related episodes: How To Heal Your Inner Child Experience Healing Throu…
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Restoration After Porn Relapse (with Rocky Pisor)
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How do you pursue restoration after a relapse, especially in marriage or ministry leadership? Rocky Pisor tells his own story of processing a porn relapse after 17 years of sobriety. You'll learn how to notice the warning signs of impending relapse, and how to respond to relapse with curiosity and compassion rather than punishing yourself or preten…
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07 | Trust the Process (with Jill Gullahorn)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Stacey and Greg sat down with Jill Gullahorn at her dining room table to talk about life, pain, support, walking with others, and doing our own work. Jill knows a lot about all of these. She's a wife, mother of three, and therapist who has discovered th…
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It's Good To Be Aroused (with Sam Jolman)
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"There is nothing inherently wrong with an aroused man." What is arousal? Why is it good? Sam Jolman helps us reclaim the heart of masculine sexuality for the purpose of awe, play, and worshipping God. You'll learn how arousal always has a script, why evil hates arousal, and the difference between sexuality and sensuality. At the end, you'll receiv…
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06 | Recovery Intensives (Bonus Episode w/ Adam Calvert, James Horne, and Jason McNaughton)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. What is a recovery intensive? How is it different from weekly therapy or extended inpatient treatment? How could it help my recovery process? All of these are extremely good and important questions, and in this BONUS episode of What We Really Want, Greg…
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Freedom From Gay Porn (LIVE)
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Why do I struggle with gay porn? What does freedom look like? How can I stop using gay porn? In this episode, I answer these questions based on years of research and helping hundreds of men achieve lasting freedom from gay porn. Recommended resources (including paid links): Healing And Recovery: Perspective For Young Men With Sexualized Attachments…
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05 | Honesty is the Oxygen (with Isaac Adams)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. This episode is a real treat for Greg & Stacey, because our guest is also our pastor. Isaac Adams is the Lead Pastor at Iron City Church in Birmingham AL; additionally he is an author and founder of a non-profit organization called "United? We Pray," wh…
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How Childhood Experiences Shape Sexual Development (with Drew, Doug, Eddie, and Matt)
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What's the point of processing childhood experiences? In this special episode recorded live at the Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit, Drew, Doug, Eddie, and Matt share insights and stories about how processing childhood experiences can help you outgrow porn. Drew Boa (MA, PSAP) a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Drew i…
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Why We Sexualize Emotions And How To Desexualize Them
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Why do we sexualize emotions, and how can we desexualize them? In this episode, I explain what it looks like to "right-size" sexual energy through processing emotions and releasing trauma. Free tools to process emotions: Feelings And Needs Wheel Feelings And Needs Inventory Ready to release some trauma? Come to the Husband Material Retreat in Color…
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04 | Feelings: The Language of Connection & Attachment (with Phil Herndon)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Feelings would be great if they didn't make us feel so many things. Sometimes it seems like they are a nuisance, other times like they're just too much to bear. But what if we changed our relationship with our feelings and started to believe they were t…
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Overcoming Sexual Entitlement (with Noah Filipiak)
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What happens when you feel entitled to sex and treat your wife like a replacement for porn? In this episode, Noah Filipiak tells his story of overcoming sexual entitlement and objectification. Along the way, he unpacks the false promises of purity culture, what love really looks like, how God's grace changes us, and the power of gratitude. Noah Fil…
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Hope And Healing For Sexless Marriage (with Adam and Karissa King)
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What is the definition of sexless marriage? Why do couples experience this? Sexless marriage is often a symptom of deeper psychosomatic issues. Adam and Karissa teach practical tools to build a sexful marriage through vulnerability, intimacy, and safe touch. This episode can also help couples for whom intercourse is painful or not possible. Adam an…
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03 | Clap, Snap, High Five (with Andy Gullahorn and Gabe Scott)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Talking with Andy Gullahorn & Gabe Scott can be many things, but it is never boring. With dry humor and refreshing honesty, these great friends share how they've committed to intentional connection in their 20+ year friendship. Both Andy and Gabe are mu…
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Story Work For Men Outgrowing Porn: How To Respond To A Story (Part 4)
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How do you respond to someone else's story with curiosity and compassion? In part 4 of this 4 part series, Marcus Spaur shares his story: "If I Only Could Have Been..." If you love story work, you'd love Husband Material Groups. Apply to join a group at husbandmaterial.com/group Drew Boa (MA, PSAP) is a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Reco…
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Story Work For Men Outgrowing Porn: How To Write A Story (Part 3)
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How do you write a story about your trauma and sexual experiences? In part 3 of this 4-part series, Wendell Moss shares his story: "Sex & Sexuality" If you love story work, you'd love Husband Material Groups. Apply to join a group at husbandmaterial.com/group Drew Boa (MA, PSAP) is a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Dre…
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01 | What WE Really Want, part 1 (with Greg & Stacey Oliver)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Greg & Stacey Oliver (Co-Founders) and Bobby West (Assistant Director) of Awaken kick off this brand new podcast by sharing what WE really want listeners to experience. If the saying is true - "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety...the opposite of…
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02 | What WE Really Want, part 2 (with Bobby West)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Greg & Stacey Oliver (Co-Founders) and Bobby West (Assistant Director) of Awaken continue the conversation we started in Episode 1, where we tell our stories and share what WE really want to see happen with the podcast. Now, it's Bobby's turn. Bobby Wes…
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Story Work For Men Outgrowing Porn: Why We Do Story Work (Part 2)
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Why is story work absolutely essential for men outgrowing porn? In part 2 of this 4 part series, Chris Inman shares his story: "The Lonely Walk." If you love story work, you'd love Husband Material Groups. Apply to join a group at husbandmaterial.com/group Drew Boa (MA, PSAP) is a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Drew i…
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Story Work For Men Outgrowing Porn: What Is Story Work? (Part 1)
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What is story work? Where did it come from? What does it look like? In part 1 of this 4-part series, Drew shares his story: "The Day I Got Braces." If you love this series, you'd love Husband Material Groups. Apply to join a group at husbandmaterial.com/group Drew Boa (MA, PSAP) is a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Dre…
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Porn and Inner Healing Prayer
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What is inner healing prayer, and how can it help men outgrow porn? This episode is a preview of our new online course, "10 Ways To Heal Your Trauma: Resolving The Roots Of Porn And Sex Addiction." Get free access at healyourtrauma.com Resources for Inner Healing Prayer: Streams of Healing: Finding Your Way to Wholeness with Key Leaders in the Inne…
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Porn and Polyvagal Theory (with John Kilmer)
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What is Polyvagal Theory? How can it help men outgrow porn? John Kilmer skillfully describes the autonomic nervous system and how to (re)shape it in order to experience regulation without unwanted sexual behavior. John Kilmer is a Mental Health Life Coach, Occupational Therapist, and Certified Husband Material Coach. John has completed the Foundati…
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What Is God Doing In My Trauma? (with Matt Wenger)
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We need a theology of trauma. In this episode, Matt Wenger powerfully invites us to view our trauma through the lens of Jesus's life, death, and resurrection. This episode is a preview of our new online course at healyourtrauma.com Matt Wenger is the clinical director of Boulder Recovery, a 14-day intensive for Christian men struggling with sex, po…
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How To Create Connection In Any Conversation (LIVE)
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Do you long for connection, but it feels impossible? In this episode, you'll learn extremely simple tools and techniques to create connection in any conversation—using your eyes, face, voice, and words. Helpful phrases: Tell me more… What’s it like for you... How does that affect you? That makes sense (because)... It sounds like / I hear you saying…
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Why Men Don't Talk About Their Sexual Abuse (with Mike Chapman and Dr. Doug Carpenter)
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There are over 40 reasons why men don't talk about their sexual abuse. Let's break the silence. In this episode hosted by Mike Chapman and Doug Carpenter, survivors of sexual abuse share vulnerable stories of harm and healing. Mike Chapman is a Certified Husband Material Coach and the leader of the HM fellowship for survivors of sexual abuse. Conta…
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How To Tell Her About The Porn: Full Disclosure (with Dan Drake and Dr. Janice Caudill)
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What is full disclosure? When, why, and how should I reveal sexual secrets to my wife? In this episode, disclosure experts Dan Drake and Janice Caudill walk us through the process of full therapeutic disclosure from beginning to end. You'll learn how to restore truth in your relationship in a way that is healing rather than harmful. Dan Drake and D…
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Healthy Fantasy vs. Unhealthy Fantasy
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Your imagination is not bad. Learn the 4 main types of fantasies, how to evaluate the healthiness of a fantasy, and what to do with your healthy/unhealthy fantasies! Related episodes: Sexual Arousal vs. Sexual Desire How To Interpret Sexual Fantasies How To Analyze A Sexual Fantasy Introduction To Sexual Symbolism How My Sexual Fetish Shifted Over …
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A Grace-Based Approach To Sexual Recovery (with Jonathan Daugherty)
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What is grace, and how does it apply to sexual recovery? Jonathan Daugherty inspiringly explains how grace is not "soft" but the most powerful force for transformation and freedom from porn. Pride, shame, and comparison all melt away under the core truth that you are worth the life of God's son, and that can never change. Jonathan Daugherty is the …
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Singleness & Same-Sex Attraction (with Dr. Greg Coles)
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If you're single and you experience same-sex attraction, this episode is for you. Dr. Greg Coles offers insight, humor, delight, and hope that defies typical Christian categories of what a "good and beautiful life" can look like. Greg Coles is an author, speaker, and scholar at the Center for Faith, Sexuality, and Gender. Check out Greg's books (th…
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Outgrowing Porn vs. Purity Culture
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What is the difference between outgrowing porn and purity culture? In this replay from The Porn Free Man Conference, you'll experience dramatic examples of what these two approaches look like, sound like, and feel like when you are... Reaching out to a friend after watching porn (failure vs. feedback) Sharing vulnerable parts of your story (harsh a…
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Outgrowing Porn Through Parts Work (with Dr. Gerry Crete)
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How can parts work help us outgrow porn? Dr. Gerry Crete combines Christian faith, internal family systems, attachment theory, and EMDR into a powerful approach to outgrowing porn. Learn why we need to work with parts pre-emptively, how to "break the spell" when you're in a trance state, and practical ways Jesus can meet our attachment needs. Dr. G…
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What To Do When Your Wife Is Triggered (with Tammy Gustafson)
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How can a husband help his wife during a trigger? Tammy Gustafson reveals what triggers are, how they affect your wife's brain, and what she needs after a trigger tornado has passed. Discover how her triggers can become opportunities for healing! Tammy Gustafson is a trauma-informed Licensed Professional Counselor, coach, EMDR certified clinician, …
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Healing Through Artwork and Storywork (with Philip Leach and John Kilmer)
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What happens when you combine storywork, artwork, and Jesus? Witness powerful healing in this live demonstration of HMA Coaching! As Drew shares a story of difficulty, chalk artisan Philip Leach creates a visual representation while coach John Kilmer offers attunement. Then we invite Jesus into the story and watch the chalk art change. The result i…
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