Shame & Addiction: Breaking the Cycle with Duane Osterlind

Thrive While Loving an Addict | Addiction | Sobriety | Recovery | Relapse

In this episode of Thrive While Loving an Addict, host KL Wells reconnects with Duane Osterlind, LMFT, founder of The Addicted Mind podcast and expert in addiction recovery and men's mental health.

After four years since their last conversation, KL and Duane dive deep into their journeys—KL’s work in mental health and her TED Talk, and Duane’s transition from the film industry to psychology. Together, they explore the complex intersections of addiction, shame, and betrayal trauma, discussing how these issues affect individuals and families.

Duane shares his expertise on the transformative power of addressing shame, the importance of resilience, and the role of supportive communities in healing.

He also introduces the "Shame Compass," a tool for understanding and overcoming shame, and highlights his impactful work with men’s groups.

Key Discussion Points:

• Duane’s personal journey from addiction as a teenager to becoming a therapist
• The impact of shame, depression, and anxiety on addiction and recovery
• Transitioning from the film industry to the mental health profession
• The isolating effects of shame, especially among men, and the importance of vulnerability
• The "Shame Compass" tool: understanding behavioral responses to shame
• The role of supportive communities and group work in healing shame and addiction
• The difference between healthy and toxic shame
• The importance of self-compassion and resilience in recovery
• How trauma underlies addiction and the need for compassionate approaches

Some Questions I Ask:

• What was the turning point that led you from the film industry to psychology?
• How did shame and anxiety influence your early experiences with addiction?
• Why do men tend to isolate when dealing with shame and addiction?
• Can you explain the "shame compass" and how it helps people in recovery?
• What are some practical steps for loved ones to move through their own shame?
• How can supportive communities help break the cycle of addiction and shame?
• What role does self-compassion play in healing from addiction and betrayal trauma?

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

• How shame, addiction, and trauma are interconnected and impact families
• The four behavioral responses to shame as outlined in the "shame compass"
• Why addressing shame is essential for addiction recovery and relationship healing
• The value of vulnerability, especially for men, in building meaningful connections
• How to identify and shift toxic shame into resilience and self-compassion
• Practical strategies for finding and building supportive communities
• The importance of both internal and external work in breaking the cycle of shame

Resources:

• Duane Osterlind’s Bio & Contact:
• The Addicted Mind – About Duane Osterlind
• Contact Duane Osterlind
• Free Resource:
• 📘 Download Duane’s free eBook:
• The Shame Compass – theaddictedmind.com/shame
• KL Wells’ TED Talk:
• KL Wells on TEDx
• Community Support:
• Find support and community resources at Thrive While Loving an Addict
• Recommended Reading:
• Brene Brown’s work on shame and vulnerability
• Donald Nathanson’s research on shame and the shame compass
• Join the Conversation:
• Subscribe to Thrive While Loving an Addict for more episodes and resources on healing, resilience, and thriving through addiction.

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