Replacing Time Outs with Time Ins - A New Approach

Mindfulness For Kids By ChomChom

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Host 1: Okay, so let's dive right into this parenting dilemma that's been around forever. You know that moment when your kids are just in full meltdown mode?

Host 2: Yeah.

Host 1: And you're just like, "What do I even do?" Timeout always seems like the go-to. But are we maybe doing more harm than good?

Host 2: Right.

Host 1: So today, we're going to be looking at this question, and we're going to be using an article from the Child Mind Institute called, "Are Timeouts Harmful to Children?"1

Host 2: Interesting.

Host 1: So, this one's for all you parents out there. You know, when you really think about it, sending a kid to their room to think about what they've done is kind of a new thing when you think about it. I always just assumed that timeouts were like a universal…

Host 2: Oh yeah, for sure, they're everywhere now.

Host 1: But it's actually a pretty recent thing. The article says that they kind of became popular in the 1950s2 as a more humane way to discipline kids than what they were doing before.

Host 2: So, what were they doing before?

Host 1: A lot of corporal punishment3.

Host 2: Oh, so like spankings and stuff.

Host 1: Yeah, exactly.

Host 2: Wow, okay. So it was seen as a gentler alternative.

Host 1: Much gentler.

Host 2: But what made everyone change their minds about this? Like was it society changing?

Host 1: I think it was a few things. You know, after World War II, there was just tons more research about psychology, including stuff about child development and like how parents affect their kids3. So, I think that research probably helped people realize that hitting your kids is probably not a good idea4. So, we moved away from all that, and then timeout became the new thing, right?

Host 2: But then how did it become so popular?

Host 1: Well, behaviorism was also getting really big then, and that's all about, you know, rewarding good behavior and ignoring bad behavior4. Like if a kid throws a tantrum, you just ignore them. Eventually, they'll learn that it doesn't get them what they want45.

Host 2: So, it's like they're saying, "Okay, this isn't working. I need to try something else."

Host 1: Exactly.

Host 2: Okay, I get it. But like anything popular, people started criticizing timeouts too. Didn't that Time magazine article cause a whole big…

Host 1: Oh, yeah, in 20145. That was the one that said it was like solitary confinement5.

Host 2: Exactly. I remember reading that and feeling kind of bad about what I was doing. I think a lot of parents felt that way.

Host 1: Yeah, but I think they came back later and clarified what they meant6. They said they weren't against all timeouts, just the ones that are used as a really harsh punishment6.

Host 2: So, it's not really about the timeout itself, it's about how you use it.

Host 1: It's all about how you use it. I think this whole debate shows that we really need to think more carefully about when to use timeouts6. And the Child Mind Institute article really helps with that. They make a really important point about the difference between ignoring the behavior and ignoring the child7.

Host 2: You're saying it's about setting boundaries but not making the child feel rejected?

Host 1: Exactly. You don't want them to feel like you don't care7.