"Beneath the Sternum of Where the Heart Would Be" is a song right? Should we start a band?! 2009's Suck taught us that it can only get better if you date your worthless ex and become a vampire! Also, Kacey has no idea who Malcom McDowell is. (TW at 34min for our sweet Morgan listener!) Support the show THE GRAM - SUPPORT - LINKS - SUBSCRIBE Please …

If a thirteen year old girl wrote this anime, Kacey refuses to know where she's coming from! Welcome back to the pod ya'll. We're unpacking the rest of Season One of Vampire Knight. Things We Learned: Only one teacher at the academy? Only one human boy at the academy? Only one adult female vampire but we kill her? https://linktr.ee/bloodsuckerspod …

Someone smarter has written something about this somewhere, but all we know is that sexy anime with creepy tall vampire boys titillates Sarah-Marie, infuriates Kacey, and we both loved it. Things We Learned: SM wouldn't last one day in the Night Academy because of white uniforms. Kacey won't have it, people. Love is an idiot. Support the show THE G…

Was this the 80's? Was this hazing accurate? Is Australia this terrible to it's LGBTQ+ Community? We're confused! Things We Learned: SM recorded the audio from Australia, where apparently things are terrible. Which is why the pod sounds this way this week. Samuel L Jackson has a purple Lightsaber and some vams get amazing eye colors Making a movie,…

How's your blood portall today? Lost your face? How about a broken toilet of cake during your fire drill? If none of this makes sense, WELCOME TO PERPETRATOR. Things We Learned: Forevering is the dumbest way to say immortal. Menstrual Discs are AMAZING and #flexdisc should sponsor us please and thank you Alicia Silverstone is trying to ruin vampire…

Dracula 2000 (2000) has a whole loaf of milk toast choices in it. *This message sponsored by virgin (but not really) Things We Learned: Judas is Dracula?! KC wasn't even born here ya'll! Mardi Gras death metal is a terrible choice. Support the show THE GRAM - SUPPORT - LINKS - SUBSCRIBE Please leave a review, like, subscribe, comment below, bite a …

In celebration of releasing Blood Sisters over on the Little Renegade Films youtube, we're taking this week off of the pod to share with you an OLDY BUT A GOODY (as Sm's mom would say). We love you and would get addicted to your blood any day! --- This week we watched 1995's The Addiction and it was as much fun as putting on a pair of jeans after t…

Vamps (2012) sure did try to be Clueless but it sure didn't have Jane Austen to bolster it up. No stakes for ep 73 of the pod. No garlic either. Lame. Things We Learned: KC doesn't see sub-genre apparently. She has a condition. Un-Sub-Genre-Itis Was it a good adaptation? Or just a copy-cat who copies? Tell us in the discord cause we're STILL fighti…

Fright Night (1985) has the sexiest Humperdink we've ever seen. Things We Learned: SMC and Kacey think Taylor loves Now and Laters (she does), but what they meant was Hi-chews. Hi-chews are like… the Lacroix of Starbursts. Also, Now and Laters are called this because they’re made of a soft taffy on the outside with a harder center that’s not hard c…

El Conde (2023) is the first vampire film we've liked IN AN ETERNITY OF TIME even though that nun was terrible at her job, we'll have a teacup of blood with Margret Thatcher any ol' night of the week. Things We Learned: Margaret Thatcher was *not* an author. She was the first female British Prime Minister and the longest-serving Prime Minister of t…

Nightbreed (1990) is not or is or isn't or but is it a vampire film? You be the judge. All we know is that he stuck those blood covered fingers aaaaaall the way down his throat. Things We Learned: The ultimate in body horror is dropping a sloppy pastry on the ground Cop Rock! https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098772/ "There's a vampire boyfriend out th…

The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023) was a tumor on a tumor on a tumor of some very decent bones from a deep cut chapter of Dracula AND SOMEONE IS FURIOUS ABOUT IT. (Hint: it's not KC) Things We Learned: Demeter was the Goddess of Harvest and Dracula is the harvester of stupid movies that could have been good. Dracula is an excellent example of an…

Blacula (1972) was educational for film history and fashion for sure, but not great for the exploitation of black culture. NOTE TO LISTENERS: We bailed out of Ganja & Hess (1973) and then watched Blacula instead. We talk about both at the same time! You are patient and sweet and we thank you for your understanding in this confusing matter. Things W…

Vampir (2021) is a confusing time that we didn't hate, despite the abysmal blood score. Three cheers for weird serbian vampire villagers! Things We Learned: Nothing. We were confused the whole time. Support the show THE GRAM - SUPPORT - LINKS - SUBSCRIBE Please leave a review, like, subscribe, comment below, bite a friend, drink some blood and than…

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) is about titties and the twisting of them. Truly, the masterpiece of our time. Things We Learned: KC would gladly own and operate the Titty Twister if she could have that fire show every night. SM will come to Burning Man if you get her an airstream trailer (donation link in the notes below!) So many KC & SM feets are fea…

We watched what Kacey believes to be THE BEST Nicholas Cage film ever made. And if Renfield (2023) wasn't the best, she's never going to watch Leaving Las Vegas anyway so the point is moot. SIGH. Thing we Learned: You gotta spread those cement dracula flesh cubes around a bit SM has no idea how to hate a dreamy dracula Support the show THE GRAM - S…

We're doing it! We're in season two baybee!!! And to kick things off, we've made a terrible mistake and watched 2003's Underworld. Thing we Learned: Selene is not a strong female character SM has really cute bangs right now KC has a negative beagle bias and is therefore incapable of understanding John Wick. Later Suckers, Support the show THE GRAM …

It's the season finale while we hide from the sun and film some projects! We watched Interview with the Vampire (2022) S1 Ep 5/6/7 and STILL wanted more boy butts and kisses and instead got assaults and eye contacts. BOO. But yay for season two of both Interview with the Vampire, AND Blood Suckers! Hide from the sun and we'll see you soon! We Also …

We watched Interview with the Vampire (2022) S1 Ep 3/4 and wanted more boy butts that we did not get. But we loved discussing all the differences in the book and this adaptation, including tiny red sunglasses and another tit! We Also Learned Tattoos are confusing Eric Baloney is bad at his job Hi Kelly Hassnerdsnsnsnsns! Support the show THE GRAM -…

We watched Interview with the Vampire (2022) S1 Ep 2 and learned to watch more than one episode at a time for the pod from now on. She's short and sweet and she'll show you her tit! And we love you, thanks for listening. We Also Learned We learned how thoughts work To stay close to your humanity, eat glue! What would YOU do with a drunken sailor? S…

We watched Interview with the Vampire (2022) S1 Ep 1 and saw man butts! MAN BUTTS AND MAN KISSES AND DREAMY EYEBALLS and we're watching the whole thing as soon as vampirically possible. Unless there's not more man butts. No more man butts and we're out. We Also Learned It is NOT KC's destiny to educated young (of legal age) boy butts on how to be l…

We watched The Transfiguration (2016) and were entranced, amazed, disturbed by the film and distracted by the newest member of the Curry fluff brigade. Don't get your prions in a twist when you watch this sad and lovely thing. Make sure you have a kitty to cuddle! We Also Learned SM wants a pen knife Troma Films are a genre Broadway is just a stree…

We watched A Vampire in Brooklyn (1995) and had too many giggles about the 90's and the wacky running and the terrible scripting. It was a hoot according to SM, a total fart for KC and a disaster through and through. We loved it? We Also Learned I mean who DOESN'T have a crush on Angela Bassett right? SM is a stupid time and will like anything with…

We watched All the Moons (2020) and have no complaints... Okay just one: Change your clothes, brush your teeth, get more than one dress. IT'S NOT HARD! Seriously, we loved this film. Treasure our gushing because it doesn't happen often! We Also Learned Boys are toxic because they don't know if they're human because they don't bleed like girls do "T…

We watched Blood & Donuts (1995) and have some serious questions for the Canadian Mob. Kacey learns she's a film otter auteur and eyebrows are discussed in depth and girth. We Also Learned It was about… Blood? And donuts? It could also be called "Sad Weirdo Wakes Up, Eats Rats" We are waiting for our record deal Mr. Demille… Support the show THE GR…

We finished watching Family Blood and in a dramatic turn of events it ended up being just as terrible as we predicted! But we stuck it out and trashed it thoroughly. #blessed We Also Learned The Tisch Fucking School of Fucking Fine Arts can't save you from a bad script Sad Time Shower Reflection Time is for being sad, washing off blood, and reflect…

We watched Castlvania Season 1 and learned that women don't exist and neither does the color blue or calm male energy in Walla-cha-cha-chia! We Also Learned If SM had fun being mad at it, it counts as liking it even if she hated it. Just so we're clear. You like this series but this series didn't like you #micdrop Rotten Potatoes is a thing we're m…

We watched Blood Red Sky (2021) and learned that we have nothing to fear but fear itself and also that we might be a vampire monster on a cross atlantic overnight flight that gets hijacked. We Also Learned Insert ____ on a Plane for hijinks and hijackers! It's all gonna come out in therapy later The cowl necked hijacker really just loves fashion Su…

We watched Thirst (2009) and learned that KC hates things that are awesome. #micdrop We Also Learned He can't have sex with her if he can't float! It's the floating defense. Blahcorder is a fun gross new musical instrument. Ask us how! Father Priest Father is the proper title Geena Davis's most excellent foundation Support the show THE GRAM - SUPPO…

We watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer the Movie (1992) and loved it but also someone was very very mad and it might have been the vampire cramps or the real cramps. Who can tell? We Also Learned SM doesn't know what sci fi is. KC once again, has the eternal patience of a Saint for the whole episode. Menstrual cramps are silently bourne. If she says "…

We watched Fascination (1979) and it turns out, it's porn. Jean Rollin the porny porntastic porn director tricked us again ya'll! We Also Learned Not to trust the criterion channels curated list of "vampire films" Open palmed rubbing is not erotic unless your kink is frusteration KC hates the pink caftan and if you give it to her she will scythe yo…

We watched Once Bitten (1985) and we clock our longest and most distracted intro yet! We Also Learned KC only *thinks* she watched tv as a child. SM is beginning to think she's a replicant. Jane Asher's Fancy Dress Costume Book is the definitive book of costumes Gratitude is the venereal disease of spirituality. Support the show THE GRAM - SUPPORT …

We watched Dracula: Pages from a Virgin's Diary (2002) and learned a lot about how not to make a ballet film crossed with a 1920's film and also that no one gets dracula like we get dracula. Gaw. We talk about death and grief, as SM's dad is on his journey out of this mortal coil. KC's cries. It's a beautiful ep. We Also Learned Where does dracula …

We watched A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night from 2014. Did you know black and white film is an artform? KC didn't, doesn't refuses to in the future. SM retaliates by refusing to tell you the synopsis of this incredible persian delight and everyone had a good new yearses. We Also Learned That you can send us tit pics but you better keep your peens t…

We watched Blood Relatives (2022) and really didn't bother to discuss the film. All you need to know is that it was really cute and by cute we mean stupid. We Also Learned FUCKING WAGNER UGH Vampires are frosting and they're delicious Great News! Life is a construct. Support the show THE GRAM - SUPPORT - LINKS - SUBSCRIBE Please leave a review, lik…

We watched Children of the Night (2015) and were delighted by how surprised we were that we wanted to keep watching this weird Argentinian children's theater fest. Seriously. It's wild and delightful. We Also Learned An insane amount of bleach must have been used Homopheliacs can't stop won't stop the confetti Sir Fluff is the star. Sir Fluff saved…

We watched Son of Dracula (1974) and it was "coocoo bananas" to put it mildly. I mean, what is acting? Who is an actor? What does Nillson DO in this film and how did the man who put the lime in the coconut break us? Who are WE even? Is this the end of Blood Suckers again? If you're in a film and you're supposed to be an actor but you're not acting …

We watched Daybreakers (2009) with too many blue filtered unhappily frumps. You're a vampire! ENJOY SOMETHING DAMNIT. This very special episode of Bloodsuckers brought to you by goals, acceptance, and smoking. We Also Learned If the world is mostly vampires, and you need blood from a human, just ASK. Ten years in the future, we'll be 50 years in th…

We watched Lips of Blood (1975) and will proceed to give you a play by play of all the naked weird transitions of walking and being naked. It sounds simple but it's like a weird sexy french labyrinth all up in this plot! We Also Learned Jackets on Straight Jackets on Jackets! About a lot of naked ladies How to Model: Confidence! Standing There! Cha…

We watched The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009) and if you listen close you can hear KC die a little out of boredom everytime SM say's "in the book tho…" We Also Learned House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski is KC's least favorite idea of a book The most upsetting thing for KC? Pizza that's been treated without respect We highly recommend the menstr…

We watched Beautiful Vampire (2018) and were entranced by the descriptive visual subtitles, the mysteriously nosy landlord and the gallons of sunscreen elegantly thrown around like glitter. Give us a sunhat and a velvet dress and a smash cut edit style any night! We Also Learned KC doesn't have recurring dreams. This is not the Talk Dirty to Me Pod…

We watched The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967) and had special guest Stephanie from our sister pod Talk Dirty to Me to answer our many many questions about snow and vampires and cabbage! We Also Learned How to NOT set up the audio inputs correctly. (Again, sorry KC and the Suckers) KC didn't know anything about the very sad death of Sharon Tate Ste…

We watched Black As Night (2021) and are so so glad we aren't vampires in this world. Oooooft. It was complicated ya'll. Complicated bad. Not complicated good. Which is tragic because Black As Night had some very cool stuff in it. Somewhere. We Also Learned When in need of medical advice, ask an opera singer KC does not like to think about drinking…

We watched 1993's Cronos and were so underwhelmed that we found ourselves being delighted by a hot grandpa and a wacky undertaker and a bug. It was confusing. We Also Learned: KC can read! We think… If you don't have a bruise on your butt SM doesn't want to see your butt WE WON! GO 'STROS! Support the show THE GRAM - SUPPORT - LINKS - SUBSCRIBE Ple…

HAPPY HALLOWEEN SUCKERS! For this very spooky and wonderful holiday we watched Bram Stoker's William Shakespeare's Francis Ford Coppola's Baz Luhrmann's Oprah Winfrey's Enya's Dracula and it was indeed, Tits Out Ridiculous. We Also Learned That we absolutely cannot be trusted with new microphones and our executive producer Travis is to blame. EEE!!…

We watched I Like Bats! (1986) and learned nothing that made any sense about anything and also our brains are broken. Polish film people. We love you. We Also Learned This has "The Best Sex Scene I've Ever Seen In My Whole Life" - KC THUTT is the thigh to butt area The the Polish will never explain themselves and that is a special kind of wack-a-do…

We watched The Vampire Doll (1970) and learned that having "dracula" in the title does not a vampire movie make. HOW?! We Also Learned No one had pajamas!!! Where do the voicemails and telegrams for all the dead children go? Terrified? Weird Sex? Just a dog? This film had a lot of noises. Just cause your bloodthirsty doesn't mean you're a vampire!!…

We watched What We Do in the Shadows (the 2014 film) and found out that we have 125 HOURS OF FOOTAGE to go find on the dark web. The shadow web? Whatever it is we're doing it in there and watching it hard. We Also Learned KC doesn’t care that it breaks all the narrative rules!!! KC says this is "Everybody's' favorite vampire movie" KC is definitely…

We watched Let the Right One In (2008) and had a very large debate, with a TayLord in the back to laugh at us the whole time. We Also Learned Eli is a trans and/or gender neutral icon AND WE'RE OBSESSED KC hates hates hates hates hates cold weather Puss Puss is the Swedish way to say Kiss Kiss, which is why we like saying Kissy so much. Follow us o…

This week we watched a movie in the theater! We invited ourselves to The Invitation (2022) and were NOT disappointed by that delicious Big D Energy. His 12 shades of gaslighting, hubris, and monstrous grey were GORGEOUS. Swooooon. We Also Learned To let our vagina's do the talking A pottery studio built on lies and blood and creepiness The Dracula …