Supporting Teens with Dr. Lockhart

The Motherhood Kit

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Meet Dr. Lockhart

Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart is the President and Owner of A New Day Pediatric Psychology, PLLC. Dr. Lockhart began her practice in 2016 after practicing in military clinics and hospitals for ten years. Dr. Lockhart is passionate about helping parents better understand and connect with their children to transform the parent-child relationship. Connect with her on Instagram or through A New Day's online community and workshops.

Introduction

It's no secret that raising teens can be overwhelming, but Dr. Lockhart argues that it doesn't have to be. As a parent, you may recall those feelings of frustration as a kid that your mom or dad just didn't get it. Now that the tables have turned, you may look at your teen with just as much confusion. So let's chat about how to build a better relationship with our teenagers.

What's Going On In That Head?

From the outside, the behavior of our teens can seem irrational or annoying, but often there's more under the surface. Funnily enough, the neurodevelopment growth rate of a teenager is similar to that of a toddler. There is a surge in neurons and synapses connecting that are trying to make sense of new developmental needs like hormonal milestones or newly realized autonomy. It's terrifying for both the child and the parent! So all of that attitude and frustration they're projecting? It's completely normal. As a parent, you may find it best to pull away and give them space, but try leaning in. Get curious about their frustrations, provide space to explore their individuality, and admit that you also don't know it all. These building blocks can create a strong foundation for your relationship.

Lead While Listening

Just because a parent listens to their teen doesn't mean that guidance is thrown out of the window. Their brains are seeking autonomy but are still not equipt to make the most rational decisions. Often teens will be highly emotional, as their brain development is still working towards a good balance between logical and emotional thinking. The actions and decisions teenagers make are led by dopamine. In response to teenagers, parents naturally lean towards being hyper-logical in response but try to exercise some patience and grace in the search for equilibrium. Within the parent-teen relationship, it's important to remember that they're not doing things to personally hurt or annoy you. Even adults can have trouble managing their emotions, just as teens are learning to do.

Connect Before You Correct

Dr. Lockhart shares this mantra as a foundation for how to maintain open communication with teenagers. Often when a teen shares something, it's met with immediate opposition or criticism. Why would you do that? That's ridiculous. After so many of those interactions, why would a teenager want to continue trying to engage? The constant drill sergeant that parents can become to their teenagers is off-putting and leads to less communication immediately. It's easy to fall into this pattern when parents don't get much of their teens attention to begin with– it may seem like the only opportunity to tell them to fold the laundry or take out the trash. And if that's what teens are expecting to hear with every conversation with their parents, it becomes a habit to shut down.

Conclusion

Parents, you may need to take a few deep breaths before interacting with your teen, but the connection with your children can be worth it in the end. It may require facing a few hardships from your own childhood and unlearning reactions that were mir