Defeating Childhood Trauma podcast

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Curated Questions: Conversations Celebrating the Power of Questions!

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Ashley Kirsner 1:40:41

vor 11 Tagen1:40:41

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Episode Notes [00:00] The Power of Vulnerability [01:57] Meet Ashley Kirsner [03:55] The Impact of Active Listening [05:02] A Transformative Call [06:25] The Magic of Open-Ended Questions [13:28] The Role of Basic Needs in Emotional Well-being [17:10] The Birth of Skip the Small Talk [25:18] The First Skip the Small Talk Event [28:39] The Evolution of Skip the Small Talk [32:56] Online Events During COVID-19 [34:58] Work At An Anxiety Lab [38:08] The Importance of Positive Questions [42:40] The Power of Repeated Questions [45:33] Attending a Skip the Small Talk Event [46:14] The Speed Dating Format [47:21] Encouraging Anxious Participants [48:45] The Power of Sharing Deeply [49:32] Consistent Findings on Vulnerability [50:13] Understanding Oversharing [51:11] Structure and Time Management [52:18] Facilitators and Norms [53:12] Contact Information Norms [55:06] Intentional Iteration and Safety [56:37] The Role of Participants [59:01] Financial Accessibility and Investment [01:00:43] Balancing Accessibility and Compensation [01:01:49] Compensating Facilitators [01:04:39] Physiological Benefits of Deep Conversations [01:07:00] Research on Loneliness and Connection [01:09:02] The Impact of Loneliness on Health [01:10:41] The Role of Sleep in Connection [01:13:42] The Importance of Group Interactions [01:15:10] The Power of Intentional Conversations [01:20:26] Learning from Gathering Experts [01:23:19] Right Now Question & Following Curiosity [01:30:18] Where You Can Find Skip The Small Talk [01:35:45] Takeaway Thoughts & Questions Resources Mentioned Skip The Small Talk Chris Voss Finding Good with Brian Fretwell Dr. Nicholas Epley DBT - Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Brene Brown How We Gather by Priya Parker Power of Ritual by Casper ter Kuile How We Gather by Dr. Angie Thurston - Harvard Divinity School Death of Rasputin Harvard Graduate School of Education Harvard Wharton Business School MIT GE Aviation Act Blue Beauty Pill Producer Ben Ford Questions Asked When did you first understand the power of questions? How would this possibly work? What are we doing here? How could this possibly be effective? What is it that asking questions actually does for us? In this deep end of the pool, for what you experience as a suicide hotline counselor, what does that look like? How did that impact you? Were there questions that you found most impactful on that end? Are you feeling suicidal right now? Do you have a weapon? Do you have a plan? Do you have any objects to complete that plan with you right now? Are you comfortable being in a different room from it while we're having this conversation? When's the last time you slept? When's the last time you ate? Can we get some food in you? Can we take a walk? Do they know anything you're experiencing right now? If the roles were reversed and it were your partner or your cousin or your parent who were going through something like this, would you want them to tell you about it? Do you think they wanna know if you're going through a tough time? What if we had a space where we were all on the same page? Can you take a moment to go home and be a little more vulnerable with your roommate, partner, family, or neighbors? Can you take that skill with you into the rest of your life? How are you doing right now? How did you decide to do your first skip-the-small-talk event? When's the next one gonna be? Is this even possible? How do you have people switch partners in a way that makes sense online? How do we do this? What do you got for us? How do we do this for like hundreds of people? Can you talk about that story of where you pulled the questions from, and why you chose the different questions that you did? Where do you live? What do you like about where you live? What's the worst thing you've ever experienced? When's the last time you cried? When's the last time you experienced awe? What's something you're proud of that you don't normally get to share with people or that might not be on a resume? Specifically asking what are pieces of yourself that you don't normally get to share? What is a favorite ice cream? What was something that this organization has done right to help you? What do you think it is about the structure that allows for that to happen? What other elements are at play here? Finances would be a barrier, can you help me out? Do you wanna do it for free? Due to your position in society, does it make you more or less likely to go to prison? How can we do subtle things so that you don't have to necessarily out yourself as having an invisible disability, but still get your needs met? How can we make people with marginalized identities feel comfortable opening up? How do we make those spaces feel safer? What is your right now question? What makes an experience awesome? What makes storytelling awesome? Why was this moment so powerful? Why do we dim the lights a little at dinner parties What little things can you do to trick your physiology to be more immersed in an experience? Does doing a new novel activity with someone, trick your brain into being more excited about hanging out with someone? How can you make these memories more tactile? What does the tablecloth feel like? What do the napkins feel like? Can you just do five more of these? Can we do this throughout the year? What assumptions are you making about how much others want to know about your inner world, and how might testing those assumptions change your relationships? How might your community benefit from structured opportunities to practice deeper connection, and what role could you play in creating those spaces? If you treated meaningful conversation as essential to your health, as sleep or exercise, how would that change your daily priorities and choices? Are your questions designed to extract information or to create conditions where others can share the best parts of themselves?…

Defeating Childhood Trauma

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Providing much-needed education on the truth about the abuser's culture, who they are, what they do, and how to heal our trauma. I tell the truth about the Cluster B disorders: NPD, BPD, HPD, and ASPD without making apologies for them. I'm here to help my Complex-PTSD community and domestic abuse survivors, NOT those who caused the trauma. Each episode we discuss various abuses the Cluster Bs inflict, the ongoing problems you may have as a result of being raised by one of them, and the science.

24 Episoden

#Fitness #Mental Health #Jaena

Defeating Childhood Trauma

updated vor etwa einem Jahr

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24 Episoden

#Fitness #Mental Health #Jaena

Alle Folgen

1
What is Physical Abuse? 21:28

vor 26 weeks21:28

21:28

Send us a text Educating and empowering both victims and survivors on physical abuse, from what it's like in its covert stage, to how it escalates. The emotional and body sensations that will clue you in on understanding you're being abused and the lasting effects physical abuse has on the victim. How do we heal from physical abuse? Find out here and let's explore this topic together! *Explicit material marked because I couldn't resist addressing the physical abuser and calling them a piece of s***. Otherwise, it's clean. Reading an excerpt from my article on covert abuse. Link here https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/covert-abuse-7-types-you-need-to-know/ https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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What is Mental Abuse? 21:05

vor 27 weeks21:05

21:05

Send us a text Exploring mental abuse from covert stage, to how it escalates, and the lasting effects of this type of abuse - which is the most insidious abuse of all. Learn the basic makeup of the mental abuser and which emotions and body sensations will clue you in on knowing when you're being mentally abused. Reading an excerpt from my article, Covert Abuse: 7 Types You Need to Know. Link here. https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/covert-abuse-7-types-you-need-to-know/ https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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What is Emotional Abuse? 17:29

vor 28 weeks17:29

17:29

Send us a text Kicking off this brand new series talking about covert abuse, how each escalates, and the lasting effects of each one. In this one we are talking about emotional abuse. The emotional abuser is self-absorbed and emotionally immature. From emotional neglect to full contempt, find out the indicators for emotional abuse and how to heal from it. Also reading an excerpt from my article on covert abuse, link here. https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/covert-abuse-7-types-you-need-to-know/ https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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The Man Who Survived a 35 Year Abusive Marriage 43:31

vor 29 weeks43:31

43:31

Send us a text Meet Steve, a man who married a woman with borderline personality disorder and endured 35 years of abuse. He shares his story to help raise awareness on how men can also be abused. He also shares how he recovered from debilitating trauma thanks to a new treatment called Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS). Find out what TMS is and how it works! Also check out Steve's TikTok where he has documented his progress from the first treatment to his thirtieth. https://www.tiktok.com/@wainwrightsteve65 https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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7 Years in Coercive Control: Interview with Advocate, Lady Storm 45:56

vor 30 weeks45:56

45:56

Send us a text Because nothing gives us a deeper understanding of...well, everything than when people share their lived experiences I invited my advocate friend, Lady Storm to share her experience of being in a coercive control relationship. Listen as she walks us through each stage that she endured and finally, how she escaped. From victim to survivor to healer. Check out her site. https://linktr.ee/ladystormhealing https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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Coercive Control Stage 4: Murder, Suicide, or Soul Death 31:15

vor 31 weeks31:15

31:15

Send us a text 1) Final installment in this ongoing series that begins with reading an excerpt from my article on coercive control. Link to the full article: https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/coercive-control-is-the-reason-they-cant-just-leave/ 2) An excerpt from my interview with a survivor, Taylor as an example of stage 4. Link to full article: https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/escaping-coercive-control-an-interview-with-a-survivor/ 3) Addressing the breakdown in communication between trauma informed psychology and the medical physicians and suggested means of bridging that gap to help victims wake up sooner and escape faster. 4) My father was a victim of coercive control. I share the story of what I grew up witnessing as my father slipped into stage 3 and then stage 4 as a means of hopefully help others. 5) Addressing the adult children of the abuser and enabler parents. Why we tend of have complicated feelings towards the enabler parent and why it's okay. 6) The three must-have tools all victims of coercive control should have after leaving the abuser to assure they won't go back. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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Coercive Control Stage 3: Fear, Shame, and Destroyed Identity 28:26

vor 32 weeks28:26

28:26

Send us a text 1) Reading the next excerpt from my article. https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/coercive-control-is-the-reason-they-cant-just-leave/ 2) Following up with a three-paragraph reading on an interview I published with a survivor of coercive control as a perfect example of stage 3. https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/escaping-coercive-control-an-interview-with-a-survivor/ 3) The five takeaways from coercive control survivor, Taylor's lived experience and what we can learn. 4) Two vocabulary words: confirmation experiences and declarative memories. How they create confirmation bias and how the vivid memories are there to help us survive impossible situations so that we know what we need to do. 5) Activated Attachment System is a fancy word for separation anxiety...on steroids. The term also comes from attachment theory and it's linked with high dopamine. How it's the culprit for why the victim has massive withdrawals from their abuser after they leave them. 6) Induced conversation, the abuser's superpower. Why any conversation with the abuser once the victim has escaped puts them at a high risk of going back to the abuser. 7) No contact and making a list. The two things most strongly recommended for any victim of coercive control as soon as they escape. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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The Science of Coercive Control 32:11

vor 33 weeks32:11

32:11

Send us a text 1) Reading the next excerpt from my article on coercive control, followed by a deep dive on what was read. https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/coercive-control-is-the-reason-they-cant-just-leave/ 2) Call for help, fight or flight, freeze. Introducing the brain's hierarchy in threatening situations and where in the brain the vagus nerve and the autonomic nervous system operate. 3) The body chemicals 101: How drawing or visualizing the letter M will help you understand the close connection between dopamine, cortisol, norepinephrine, endorphins, adrenaline, and then serotonin. And what's bad for dopamine will also be bad for cortisol and its counterbalance, serotonin. 4) The dopamine - norepinephrine - cortisol - serotonin - oxytocin domino effect. How these hormones work when living in abuse and how it's much to the victim's detriment. 5) Oxytocin, the so-called love hormone. Proving how it's really about social memories and that in domestic abuse it leads to both memory loss. 6) The sympathetic nerve when living in coercive control and how it "cripples" this nerve and creates brain fog. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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My True Story of Coercive Control 44:00

vor 34 weeks44:00

44:00

Send us a text How I survived coercive control stages 1 and 2 and how I broke free. What I learned and how I grew after breaking the trauma bond. This is a special bonus content as we are moving through this series on coercive control. It is my belief that we glean a far deeper understanding from other people's lived experiences. So, I am sharing mine today. Find out why December 15, 2001 is and always will be the happiest day of my life! https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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Coercive Control Stage 2: Intermittent Reinforcement 20:55

vor 34 weeks20:55

20:55

Send us a text 1) Intermittent reinforcement and gaslighting. Reading a short excerpt from my article on coercive control and then taking a deep dive on what was written. How intermittent reinforcement works and how it keeps you hooked. 2) The trauma bond is a high octane and intense addiction to the abuser that we mistake for "the love we never knew it was possible to feel". What the trauma bond has in common with the substance abuser's addiction. 3) Isolation and enmeshment. How the abuser successfully keeps the victim further ensnared in a coercive control relationship by cutting off the victim's support system and then controlling and monopolizing their time. 4) Keeping the peace for the one who creates chaos. How the trauma bond is the surrendering of one's soul, life force, essence, and purpose. 5) Link to my full article on coercive control: https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/coercive-control-is-the-reason-they-cant-just-leave/ https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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Coercive Control Stage 1: Love Bombing 18:56

vor 35 weeks18:56

18:56

Send us a text 1) Prequels and Epilogues. If you had an enabler parent, they likely fell victim to a coercive control relationship and never escaped. That was our prequel and how that makes us "at risk" of our prequel becoming our epilogue. 2) Reading to you a section of my article, "Coercive Control is the Reason They Can't Just Leave". A link to the full article is here: https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/coercive-control-is-the-reason-they-cant-just-leave/ 3) The red flags for love bombing and how abusers induce anxious attachment style and codependency in their partner to keep them hooked. 4) It isn't love. It's a trauma bond. The trauma bond hits the same body chemicals that are hit in a substance addiction and how the love bomber is like a drug dealer who is simply pushing a different substance. 5) Our toxic parents had no reason to love bomb us as children because we couldn't escape. How that makes us extra vulnerable to love bombing. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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Trauma Attraction and the Chaotic Nervous System 27:07

vor 36 weeks27:07

27:07

Send us a text 1) Trauma attraction is having an attraction to those who make us feel in some way similar to how we felt when raised in an adverse home. 2) An overstimulated sympathetic nerve as the culprit and a brief science introduction. 3) Eight symptoms you may have a trauma attraction with an overstimulated sympathetic nerve making dating decisions for you. 4) Cognitive distortions and the vagus nerve. How this impacts our self-esteem and our choices in a big way. 5) Why we are vulnerable to love bombing. 6) Practices for the mind and body so that we can stop being attracted to people who are bad for us. 7) Link to this article: https://defeatingchildhoodtrauma.com/trauma-attraction-and-the-chaotic-nervous-system/ https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder: A Daughter's Interview 34:48

vor 37 weeks34:48

34:48

Send us a text 1) Meet Katherine, whose father has PAPD. 2) Reading the 8 criteria for PAPD with Katherine's insights and lived experiences to help us develop a deeper understanding of the criteria. 3) Discussions comparing notes on being raised by cluster B disorders and how passive-aggressive (negativistic) personality disorder acts as a parent compared to the other cluster Bs. 4) "We are not our parents and we are not at fault." Katherine shares the struggle we all feel in search of identity and self-worth as adults who were raised by cluster B disorders. 5) The importance of boundaries so that we can protect ourselves from the confirmation bias we are at risk of experiencing from other toxic people in our adult life. 6) The power of knowledge for our healing journey. Understanding terms and definitions for what happened to us, the name for what we were raised by, and what problems we are facing so that we can build a foundation for healing. 7) An open invitation for YOUR stories to be shared with me and how to contact me. Why your stories are the golden ticket to making positive changes in the world. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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The Comorbid Antisocial: 5 Types 34:39

vor 38 weeks34:39

34:39

Send us a text 1) ASPD + Schizoid PD + Avoidant PD = Nomadic. The seemingly "nice one" of the antisocial types. What is Schizoid and what is Avoidant? Cluster A and cluster C cormorbidity and how the two disorders that actively avoid society for their own reasons impact antisocial personality disorder. 2) ASPD + Paranoid PD = Malevolent. From one extreme to the other. What is paranoid personality disorder and how does it impact the paranoid sociopath? How the malevolent is most commonly found in serial killers. 3) ASPD + PAPD = Covetous. "The world owes me something" mentality which breeds extreme materialism and jealousy and greed. Using P. Diddy and Jeffrey Epstein as examples of the covetous antisocial. 4) ASPD + HPD = Risk-Taking. How the disingenuous histrionic sheds more light on the risk-taking antisocial. 5) ASPD + NPD = Reputation Defending. The one who chases alpha status in the name of "respect me!" on an extreme level. What they have in common and using Tommy DeVito's character that was played by Joe Pesci in the movie Goodfellas as the perfect example of the reputation defending antisocial. 6) Pointing out the missing information in ASPD research and going beyond the information we have today. 7) Adultery as the other motive for "making headline news" and using Scott Peterson as another example of the reputation defending antisocial who, unlike the late Tommy DeVito, can hide in plain sight. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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Anti-social Personality Disorder: The 8 Criteria 25:11

vor 39 weeks25:11

25:11

Send us a text 1) The main differences between ASPD and NPD. 2) The sociopath: four key traits of antisocial personality disorder that make them so dangerous. 3) Keyword: "Anti-law, Anti-humanity" helps the criteria for anti-social personality disorder make sense. 4) How their inability to feel happiness and fear deeply might aid and abet the ASPD's aggression and impulsivity. 5) ASPD's short-sightedness and understanding the scale between hiding in plain sight to unleashing it for all the world to see. https://linktr.ee/defeating_childhood_trauma…

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