Formating Forgiveness

Authentic Men's Group podcast

FORMATING FORGIVENESS

If individuals could apply themselves to pursuing this one thing it could vastly improve personal and relational health. This one thing to pursue is a deep understanding and application of… forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a basis for a life well lived. In order to have a good establishment of life it is good to understand the foundational truths of forgiveness.

8 Truths of Forgiveness:

1. Forgiveness is for me, not the offender

This is the reminder that we always have a choice no matter the extent of the pain and hurt that comes from the offense. This choice is empowering and compassionate towards ourself.

It is an invitation to grow and expand. It’s always an inside job. Start by looking where you may need to forgive yourself or transform and change the expectations you put on yourself and others. Make this a constant daily practice.

2. Forgiveness frees me from the power of the one who hurt or offended me

Forgiveness gives the power to set prisoners free, only to find that the prisoner was me.

3. Forgiveness does not mean to forget, ignore or deny the offense

The brain is designed to remember to keep us from harm and danger. Emotional pain is processed just like physical pain on a cellular level. Much like we need to know where the lion was that could jump out of the bush and kill us we must remember where the emotional danger is with others in our lives.

The goal isn't to forget, it is to forgive and live freely from what we have learned and continue to learn. Include and transcend -Richard Rohr-

4. Forgiveness does not equal restoration

I am not responsible for another’s response. If I forgive for the purpose of establishing restoration then it becomes conditional forgiveness. I want an end result. If I forgive just because I forgive and want to be free of any need for retribution that is transformational.

5. Forgiveness does not equal trust

There often is a confusion between forgiveness and trust. Just because I forgive doesn’t mean I have to trust. Forgiveness is given; trust is built.

As I think of this it would be like buying an investment property with an old, run down building on it. In order to make the property a worthy asset there would be two things needed.

1. Tear down the old building, clear the land and make the lot new again – Forgive
2. Build up from the old by putting a new building on the reclaimed land that would create value – Trust

"Forgive your enemies but never forget their names." -John F. Kennedy-

6. Forgiveness is not an option, it’s a state of being

We are not the gatekeepers of whether someone is forgiven.

Forgiveness is already happening right now, right now and right now. Are you going to accept it or create your own hell? Separation from love. Get in the flow of constant present forgiveness.

Not too long ago I asked someone for forgiveness and she said “I will have to think about it” Whether she thought about it or not I knew I was free.

7. Forgiveness is humbly accepting that everyone is limited

We are all limited, as a matter of fact to be human is to be limited. At our limits is where we can be acknowledged and given grace. We are all alike in that we all have limitations, shortcomings.

It is about compassion not comparison. It is not about comparison of our limitations so we can feel better in our successes, it is about compassion that we all have limitations and acknowledging that my strength is given so that I can give it to another.

We are all fellow strugglers in the dark trying to find our way home and forgiveness is the flashlight that we pass to each other in the darkness.

8. Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past can ever be changed

We are to have hope and hope is for the future. The way to have powerful hope for the future is to not waste it on the past; a past that can never be changed.

The word is for-give. Give it forward not give it backward. If I can reconcile my past by bringing it to the present I then have a new ledger to work with for the future. Then if I can bring that new ledger and eliminate debts I have a freedom for today.