Part 2: Porn, What’s The Big Deal? with Dr. Sandra Shachar

Sex, Love, and Addiction

Sandra A. Shachar, Ph.D., is a Licensed Psychologist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and has over thirty years of clinical experience working with individuals, couples and families affected by Betrayal Trauma. She is also the author of The Porn Solution, which dives into the world of betrayal through porn use and what partners can do to navigate themselves through it. In this episode, Dr. Sandra talks about PTSD, intentional listening to your partner, and how to regain your partner’s trust.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:50] How could I compete with a porn star?

[3:40] Women feel like if he’s watching porn, he’s checked out of the relationship.

[5:05] Can this sort of betrayal cause PTSD? Dr. Sandra believes so.

[11:40] How can you create meaningful dialogue when talking about something so difficult?

[14:20] You can create intentional listening while putting ‘guard rails’ on it.

[15:25] If your relationship is in crisis right now, it’s going to be okay. It doesn’t mean that’s where you’re going to end up.

[19:10] How can you rebuild trust again?

[25:30] If you have children, the reason to heal your relationship should be at the forefront of your mind.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Drsandrashachar.com

Dr. Sandra on LinkedIn

The Porn Solution

QUOTES:

• “We depend on other human beings for our very survival. In order to survive as a human being, we need intimate connection with at least one other human being.”

• “What matters most in an intimate relationship is to feel seen, heard, and understood by your partner.”

• “If you have children, this affects them. The keeping of secrets, they feel all of that.”