#42 - Couples Therapist: How to Feel Truly Alive in Your Relationship | Dr. Bruce Chalmer

Jeffrey van Leeuwen Podcast

After decades of guiding couples through their most challenging moments, Dr. Bruce Chalmer understands what truly brings relationships to life. With a deeply personal journey from statistics to psychology, Bruce discovered that helping couples navigate intimacy, stability, and the complexities of forgiveness wasn’t just a profession. It was a calling.

In our conversation, Bruce explores profound insights on what makes relationships thrive or fail. He thoughtfully challenges common assumptions, offering the provocative question: “Do you feel alive in your relationship?” Bruce delves into why many couples drift apart, becoming roommates instead of romantic partners, and how they can rekindle lost connections. We also explore how infidelity, while deeply traumatic, can paradoxically create opportunities for renewed intimacy and trust.

This episode is a meditation on the meaning of commitment, why marriage matters very deeply, and how embracing the discomfort of honesty can lead couples toward genuine fulfillment and emotional closeness.

Thank you for listening.

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OUTLINE:

00:00 Introduction

01:55 Discovering a Calling in Relationship Therapy

04:13 Career Transitions and Finding Purpose

06:04 Couples Therapy vs. Relationship Therapy: Clarifying Terms

07:55 Coaching vs. Therapy: The Real Differences

09:46 How Couples Therapy Actually Works

12:34 Marriage as a Path to Growth

17:28 Why Marriage Rates Are Declining

21:53 Cultural and Economic Reasons Behind Fewer Marriages

29:22 Why We Still Romanticize Marriage

31:52 Stability vs. Intimacy in Relationships

39:02 Emotional Bank Accounts in Marriage

41:20 Why Being Annoyed is Actually Good

45:10 Understanding the True Value of Marriage

51:16 The Difference Between a Contract and a Covenant

56:33 The Psychological Damage of Infidelity

01:00:06 Forgiveness, Trust, and Moving Forward

01:09:35 Why Faith is Essential in Relationships

01:12:03 Are Humans Biologically Monogamous?

01:20:41 How Do I Know if I’m a Good Partner?

01:32:45 How Can You Tell if a Marriage is Fundamentally Healthy?

01:34:43 When Relationships Feel Like Roommates

01:40:36 Reaching Heaven by Passing Through Hell

01:51:31 When to Seek Couples Therapy

01:58:09 What Relationships Truly Represent

02:05:44 Final Thoughts

BRUCE CHALMER LINKS:

Bruce's Website & Books

Couples Therapy in Seven Words Podcast (Apple)

Couples Therapy in Seven Words Podcast (Spotify)

CONTACT LINKS:

Click here to come on the podcast, share feedback, ask a question, or reach out for any other reason.

This episode has been co-produced by Kate van Leeuwen.