The Devil You Don’t Know podcast

The Devil You Don’t Know

1
Why Trusting Your Gut Changes Everything 47:47

vor 4 Tagen47:47

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47:47

Send us a text Most people don't trust themselves, constantly seeking external validation and living unhappy lives despite trying to please everyone around them. • Self-trust means being comfortable with who you are rather than constantly seeking approval • When you don't trust yourself, you give up command of your life and surrender your agency • Setting boundaries aligns with self-trust and allows you to identify who respects you • Family relationships often challenge our self-trust when we're expected to compromise our needs • Trusting yourself leads to authentic relationships rather than people-pleasing interactions • The Three A's for building self-trust: Awareness, Alignment, and Action • Daily practices for strengthening self-trust include quiet reflection, setting boundaries, and celebrating wins If you enjoyed this episode, check out Cleveland's new book "Waiting for White Jesus: Reclaiming Your Agency in a World That Tells You to Wait" now available on Amazon. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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Are You Together? 50:29

vor 7 weeks50:29

50:29

Send us a text Shores of Nevis From the white sands of Nevis, we find ourselves reflecting on a deceptively simple question: What does it mean to truly be together? For us, an interracial couple navigating the rhythms of a blended family, this question surfaces in unexpected places – in the confused looks of airline staff separating us during boarding, in the puzzled expressions of theme park employees unsure how to categorize our family. These moments, often met with laughter now, point to a deeper societal confusion about what families should look like. But more importantly, they reveal how togetherness is far more than physical presence. Many couples share homes, meals, even beds, yet drift apart emotionally. The relationship becomes a quiet coexistence – two people living parallel lives, disconnected at the heart. Togetherness is Intentional True togetherness isn’t passive. It’s active, deliberate, and nurtured daily. In our therapeutic practice and personal lives, we’ve seen the power of simple rituals: Check-ins that move beyond "How was your day?" to "How is your heart today?" Phone-free zones to reclaim the lost art of eye contact and deep conversation. Friendship maintenance , remembering the laughter and curiosity that sparked your connection in the first place. Love isn’t always 50/50. Some days it’s 80/20. And the couples that last are the ones who show up even when they can only give a fraction of themselves. Blended Families: The Art of Co-Creation In blended families, togetherness is an evolving process. Different parenting styles, cultural backgrounds, and emotional histories converge. We’ve learned that creating new family traditions, rather than clinging to competing legacies, is key. Respecting each person’s past while building a shared present fosters unity and minimizes power struggles. Togetherness means choosing each other – daily, imperfectly, and with grace. So, the next time someone asks, “Are you together?” pause before you answer. Reflect on whether your relationship is about shared space… or shared souls. As a wise couple once told us after 50 years of marriage: “It was 50 wonderful years… and 49 years of hard work.” Are you doing the work to stay truly together? Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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Island Escapes and Life Lessons: Finding Paradise in Nevis 30:44

vor 9 weeks30:44

30:44

Send us a text What starts as a terrifying moment pre-flight turns into a wake-up call I didn’t know I needed. On our way to Nevis, I fainted on the plane—no warning, just out cold. The timing felt awful... until we found out later that the plane’s computer system failed after we got off. What seemed like bad luck was actually divine intervention, and it shook me awake in more ways than one. From the porch of our quiet villa in Nevis, Lindsay and I talk about the deep contrast between the relentless pace of American hustle culture and the slow, easy rhythm of island life. We laugh about the hot beach sand that sends people running into the sea, spotting Corey Stoll at the local beach bar, and the hilarious challenge of driving a Japanese import with all the controls in a different language. But this episode isn’t just vacation stories—it’s a real look at what matters. I talk openly about my default mode of grinding, fixing, overdoing... while Lindsay, as always, reminds me what presence looks like. We touch on everything from Caribbean hospitality to tourists upset about the lack of flat-screen TVs in paradise—and what that says about our skewed priorities. This experience cracked something open in me. And if you’ve been feeling stretched too thin or stuck on autopilot, I hope it does the same for you. Because paradise isn’t always a place. Sometimes, it’s a moment you give yourself permission to fully live. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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The Gravity of Unspoken Expectations: Why Your Partner Isn't a Mind Reader 58:49

vor 9 weeks58:49

58:49

Send us a text Cleveland and Lindsay return after a long break to tackle the frustrating phenomenon of silent scripts in relationships and why expecting your partner to read your mind sets you both up for failure. • Silent scripts are unspoken expectations we have for our partners but never communicate directly • The absurdity of expecting mind-reading from partners when we'd never expect it in other relationships • Covert contracts create one-sided agreements where we expect something in return without expressing it • Authentic communication about needs and expectations is crucial from the very beginning of relationships • Personal worth shouldn't be tied to productivity or capitalist metrics of success • Family expectations often clash with personal values, creating emotional dissonance • Setting boundaries allows respecting family traditions while honoring personal authenticity • Couples who regularly date each other and maintain connection fare better long-term • Money doesn't buy happiness but can make things easier • Book recommendations including "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover and works by Brené Brown Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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The Breath Reset: Breaking Free From Perfectionism 40:59

vor 13 weeks40:59

40:59

Send us a text Self-judgment holds us back from authentic growth by triggering stress responses and reinforcing negative beliefs about ourselves. Perfectionism, deeply rooted in childhood experiences and amplified by social media, creates impossible standards that disconnect us from our true selves. • Our brains evolved for survival not happiness, making negativity our default mode • Self-criticism raises cortisol levels by 37%, creating physical stress responses • Gabor Maté's compassionate inquiry helps identify what unmet needs drive our self-judgment • Perfectionism in young adults has risen 33% since 1989, linked to anxiety and burnout • Social media creates unrealistic comparison traps that reinforce negative self-beliefs • Breathwork reduces cortisol and increases gray matter in the prefrontal cortex • Practicing self-compassion makes people 30% more likely to stick to their goals • Meditation isn't always pleasant but creates space for emotions that need processing • Getting comfortable with "not being okay" is essential for authentic growth • Small daily rituals like compassionate check-ins help establish healthier self-relationships For free compassionate inquiry sessions in exchange for recording for certification, email gettoknowthedevi@gmail.com Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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Separate and Unequal: America's School Segregation Crisis 54:00

vor 14 weeks54:00

54:00

Send us a text Educational segregation in America has reached crisis levels, with schools more segregated today than in the 1980s, despite Brown v. Board of Education supposedly ending this practice decades ago. We explore how systemic issues including funding disparities, zoning policies, and power structures maintain educational inequality across racial and economic lines. • Shocking statistics reveal non-white school districts receive $23 billion less annually than white districts • The podcast "Nice White Parents" demonstrates how gentrification can lead to school takeovers that further marginalize existing students • Personal stories about navigating school choices in New York City highlight the stark differences between educational opportunities • Security measures like metal detectors in urban schools create environments where students' nervous systems are constantly activated, making learning more difficult • Lack of trade education in schools eliminates career paths for students who might excel outside traditional academic routes • Successful models from communities in Alabama, Minneapolis, Maryland, and Connecticut show how local action can create meaningful change • The importance of trauma-informed education approaches that recognize how adversity affects learning and behavior • Dream Charter School's philosophy of "don't let your zip code define your destiny" provides a model for educational success regardless of neighborhood For free compassionate inquiry therapy sessions in exchange for recording for training purposes, email us at gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com. Follow Cleveland's writing on Substack at The Unfinished Life for more insights and reflections. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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I Don't Have A Point to Prove: Why Every Argument Isn't Worth the Fight 1:03:40

vor 15 weeks1:03:40

1:03:40

Send us a text In this engaging episode, we explore the ramifications of fighting over every point and why it often leads to unnecessary stress and emotional exhaustion. Through candid discussions, we share personal anecdotes that shed light on how the need to be right in our current divisive climate impacts our relationships and overall well-being. This episode uniquely draws on the reasons why politeness and effective communication are not just desirable, but essential in a time when political polarization can quickly spiral into personal conflict. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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Do Better Next Time 47:30

vor 21 weeks47:30

47:30

Send us a text Our recent episode focuses on empathy and the vital role it plays in countering division in today's world. We highlight Dave Chappelle's (SNL 50) poignant remarks on humanity, trauma, and compassion in the wake of societal upheaval, urging listeners to reflect on how they can elevate empathy in their own lives. • Exploring Chappelle's perspective on division and empathy • The necessity of compassion in mental health • Realizing the uniqueness of each individual's trauma • Mindfulness as a tool for addressing emotional reactions • Accountability as a critical component of personal growth • The importance of mutual understanding in relationships • Encouraging active practices of empathy in daily interactions • Reflecting on historical figures and their lessons for today Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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Accountability is an Inside Job 32:48

vor 22 weeks32:48

32:48

Send us a text This episode centers on the theme that accountability is fundamentally an inside job, exploring the connection between personal responsibility and healing through acceptance. We discuss stories of transformation, lessons from experts like Gabor Maté and Mel Robbins, and personal experiences that highlight the challenges of taking ownership in our lives. • Accountability starts with self-reflection • Insights from the Hope Program on personal transformation • The impact of societal issues on individual responsibility • Navigating relationships through acceptance and accountability • Gabor Maté’s approach to understanding personal behavior • Emphasizing the importance of letting others learn on their own • The power of asking meaningful questions to prompt self-discovery • Combining accountability with compassion for personal growth Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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Creating Calm Amid Life's Unexpected Twists 58:30

vor 23 weeks58:30

58:30

Send us a text This episode navigates the complexities of emotional fatigue and the overwhelming nature of modern life. Through personal stories and discussions on societal expectations, we explore acceptance, the dangers of information overload, and the importance of living authentically. • Discussing the challenge of accepting unexpected returns in family dynamics • Reflection on emotional toll from personal experiences and holidays • Exploring the phenomenon of news fatigue and its mental impact • The role of social media in fostering exhaustion and anxiety • Addressing job dissatisfaction in the current socio-economic climate • Highlighting the importance of self-care and community connection • Practical takeaways for listeners to combat fatigue and reclaim energy - Resources recommended for further exploration in personal growth and mental health. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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Building Connection Through Chaos: Finding Community in Unexpected Places 1:01:00

vor 28 weeks1:01:00

1:01:00

Send us a text What happens when you blend the chaos of a kitchen flood with the warmth of a vegan Friendsgiving? Join us as we share our latest escapades, from Cleveland's ponderings of a PhD amidst his return to the office grind to Lindsay's unwavering resolve to steer clear of academia. Our Thanksgiving tales range from serene home-cooked vegan roasts to the bustling camaraderie of Friendsgiving, all while juggling Cleveland's quirky feats of knowledge and his hilarious domestic faux pas. Have you ever wondered how finding your "sangha" could transform your life? We explore the profound impact of nurturing genuine connections and how communities rooted in shared values can counter feelings of isolation. With insights drawn from cultural touchstones like "Wicked" and anecdotes from engaging support groups, we emphasize the beauty of building authentic relationships. Whether it's a nod to therapy's healing power or the joy of shared interests, like veganism, our stories illustrate the essence of feeling truly seen and supported. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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Navigating Life's Chaos: Embracing Connection in the Land of Confusion 1:04:44

vor 30 weeks1:04:44

1:04:44

Send us a text What happens when two therapists, bound by marriage, tackle life's chaos together? From home renovations that never seem to end to tales of a high-tech toilet that's more intelligent than we'd like to admit, our lives have been anything but dull. We've celebrated our daughter's 17th birthday and navigated the frustrating saga of our son's dorm room ceiling failures, all while finding moments of culinary joy in a vegan smoked sweet potato ravioli. This episode is a whirlwind tour of our personal adventures, filled with laughter, love, and a fair share of absurdity. As the world feels increasingly unpredictable, we find solace in the insights of Gabor Maté, reflecting on how normalcy can exist in a toxic landscape. We share our thoughts on political identity and the challenges of understanding perspectives beyond a single lens, all while trying not to trip over construction tools in our living room. There's even a humorous detour involving a flirtatious conversation about dual citizenship that might just leave you chuckling. It's a reminder that humor and human connection can be powerful anchors in turbulent times. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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The Work Happens Between the Sessions: Taking Ownership of Your Healing Journey 1:04:20

vor 36 weeks1:04:20

1:04:20

Send us a text What if you could take control of your healing journey and transform your life beyond therapy sessions? Join us as we uncover the often overlooked aspects of personal growth, inspired by the biblical verse Philippians 2:12. Through engaging stories—including a humorous mishap with an abandoned kitten named Arugula—we illustrate the unpredictable nature of life and the significance of perseverance and responsibility. We'll discuss why some individuals hesitate to embrace therapy, often due to the discomfort of change, and highlight the necessity of consistent effort for meaningful progress. Discover the common pitfalls couples face in therapy and the importance of communication and mutual respect to cultivate healthier relationships. By drawing parallels between therapists and gym spotters, we explore how therapists provide support rather than solutions, underscoring the need for active participation and personal responsibility. With practical advice on proactive therapy, we emphasize the value of seeking help before reaching a crisis point and the transformative journey toward emotional resilience and self-awareness. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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60% In: The Struggle with Partial Commitments, Investing in Self Worth for Healthier Connections 1:03:36

vor 37 weeks1:03:36

1:03:36

Send us a text Ever wondered why partial commitments can feel like a full-time strain? Join us as we crack open the emotional rollercoaster of half-hearted investments in relationships and the unique challenges faced by house husbands. Cleveland shares his candid experiences of maintaining a clean home while Lindsay spills the tea on her binge-worthy obsession with "Gilmore Girls" and her dreamy vacation plans to Nevis. Through humor and heartfelt conversations, we explore how these partial commitments impact mental health, self-esteem, and overall wellness, making a compelling case for the joys of feeling truly appreciated. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

The Devil You Don’t Know

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Embracing Self-Awareness: The Power of Looking Inward for True Fulfillment 1:03:20

vor 39 weeks1:03:20

1:03:20

Send us a text Ever wondered why some people seem genuinely content while others constantly chase external approval? We kick off this episode reflecting on a quote from a silent retreat: "Who looks inside awakens, who looks outside dreams." This sets the stage for a profound exploration of the importance of internal validation, especially as social media and election year pressures mount. Cleveland shares a touching story about his child's decision to join a church, sparking discussions on how to support loved ones' beliefs while respecting personal boundaries. You'll laugh along as we recount a frazzled grocery store trip that ended in both overheating and overspending. Leveraging Carl Jung's insights, we shift to the critical role of introspection in fostering self-awareness and authenticity, as opposed to seeking external validation. This part of our conversation also touches on the influences of organized religion and high-control groups on our personal growth journeys. We share personal anecdotes and offer insights into how these external factors can shape, but shouldn't define, our identities. Finally, we tackle the societal obsession with labels and the toll of external validation on our well-being. Drawing from the wisdom of experts like James Sexton and John C. Maxwell, we discuss how stepping away from rigid self-identifications and the relentless demands of traditional jobs can lead to more fulfilling lives. From corporate burnout to the liberation of self-employment, our stories illustrate the journey towards true self-identity. We end with a powerful message on the necessity of internal healing and self-awareness, advocating for genuine conversations and personal satisfaction over public affirmation. Join us for this candid and thought-provoking conversation on living authentically and embracing your true self. Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com…

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