The ‘After the affair’ podcast with Luke Shillings is here to help you process, decide, and move forward on purpose following infidelity. Let’s explore what’s required to rebuild trust not only in yourself, but also with others. Whether you stay or leave, I can help! and no matter what your story, there will be something here for you.
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102. Doing the Work After the Affair
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In this episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings delves into the concept of "doing the work" in the aftermath of betrayal, particularly in the context of the self-help world. Often, we think of self-help as something we turn to only when something in our lives has gone wrong, a reactive measure rather than a proactive one. But the bigger …
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101. Afraid to Be Seen? The Hard Truth About Validation and Betrayal
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24:07
Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Afraid to Be Seen? The Hard Truth About Validation and Betrayal," we tackle the uncomfortable truths that many of us face in the wake of infidelity and betrayal. This episode dives deep into the insecurities that often lie beneath the surface, …
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100. The Anniversaries We Hate: Redefining Time and Memory
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Welcome to a special 100th episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this milestone episode, titled "The Anniversaries We Hate: Redefining Time and Memory," we take a deep dive into the emotional significance of anniversaries, those dates on the calendar that can bring both joy and dread. From birthdays and weddings to D-days…
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99. The Want Match: Aligning Desires After Betrayal
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Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "The Want Match: Aligning Desires After Betrayal," we explore the concept of the "Want Match," which focuses on aligning the desires and needs of both partners in a relationship. This episode delves into how recognising and understanding these w…
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98. Trickle Truth: The Pain of Gradual Disclosure in Infidelity
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14:39
Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Trickle Truth: The Pain of Gradual Disclosure in Infidelity," we'll explore the challenging and often painful experience of trickle truth, also known as "drip feeding" the truth or "gradual disclosure." This episode delves into why trickle trut…
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97. Time to Choose: Infidelity and the Truth We Face
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Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Time to Choose: Infidelity and the Truth We Face," we discuss the impact that facing a finite timeline can have on our decisions and relationships, particularly in the context of infidelity. What happens when we're confronted with the reality o…
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96. Why Being Right Is Destroying Your Relationship
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15:08
Winning your next argument is the most important thing, right? Join Luke Shillings - Relationship and Infidelity Recovery Coach as he unpicks the psychological and emotional reasons behind our desire to be right in arguments, especially in the aftermath of betrayal. We explore how this need can create a zero-sum game in relationships, leading to in…
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95. Healing from Betrayal Using Internal Family Systems (IFS)
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Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Healing from Betrayal Using Internal Family Systems (IFS)," we explore how the therapeutic approach of IFS can help both betrayed and unfaithful partners understand and heal from the pain of infidelity. Join Luke as he delves into the concept o…
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94. Lover vs. Provider: Exploring the Complexities of Infidelity
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22:04
Luke explains how individuals might be drawn to different partners for various reasons and how these dynamics can influence infidelity. Through multiple theoretical lenses, including sociocultural, psychological, feminist, economic, and humanistic perspectives, this episode offers a comprehensive understanding of why people might prioritize differe…
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93. The Stories We Tell Ourselves: The Symbolism of Betrayal
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21:17
Discover how the pain of betrayal often extends beyond the physical act, touching on what the affair represented rather than the individual affair partner. In this episode, Luke explores the emotional dynamics from both the betrayed and unfaithful spouse's perspectives, offering insights into how these narratives can be challenged and transformed f…
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92. When Apologies Don't Cut It After Infidelity: Moving Beyond Dependency
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16:28
Welcome to another insightful episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, we delve into a common struggle faced by many betrayed partners – the belief that their healing is tied to their spouse’s actions. Whether it's waiting for an apology, seeking explanations, or hoping for changes in behaviour, many feel stuck…
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91. What Are Your Beliefs Costing You?
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21:27
In this episode of 'After the Affair,' join me, your host Luke Shillings as I discover how limiting beliefs can keep you stuck in negative patterns and how shifting your mindset can open up new possibilities for growth and recovery. Whether it’s about self-worth, trust, or what you think you deserve in love, your beliefs shape your reality in power…
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90. The Neuroscience of Trust and Betrayal
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21:21
In this episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the neuroscience behind trust and betrayal. Understanding these processes can be crucial in healing from infidelity and building stronger relationships. Join us as we explore how our brains process trust, the impact of betrayal, and practical strategies to foster heal…
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89. I Bet You Have Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: How to Spot them After Infidelity
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24:33
Welcome to another episode of "After the Affair." I'm your host, Luke Shillings, and today we're tackling a crucial aspect of recovery that many people might not even realise they're struggling with: unhealthy coping mechanisms. After experiencing the emotional upheaval of infidelity, it's easy to fall into habits that seem helpful in the moment bu…
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88. Hysterical Bonding: Navigating Intense Emotions After Infidelity
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16:31
In this insightful episode of "After the Affair," host Luke Shillings delves into the complex phenomenon of hysterical bonding that often follows infidelity. Discover what hysterical bonding is, how common it is, and the differences between healthy and unhealthy forms. Learn practical strategies to manage this intense emotional response and ensure …
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87. The Power of Compersion: What Polyamory can teach us about Healing from Infidelity
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In this episode of 'After the Affair,' join me Luke Shillings, as I take a look into the fascinating world of polyamory to uncover valuable insights that can aid in healing from infidelity. Polyamorous relationships, known for their emphasis on open communication, emotional intelligence, and the unique concept of compersion, offer profound lessons …
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86. Why Affairs Don't Last
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21:02
Why don't affairs last? Drawing on both research and personal experiences, join me, Luke Shillings as I discuss the psychological, emotional, and social factors that contribute to the inherent instability of relationships that begin as affairs. Allow me to unpack the foundations of trust, the escape mechanism, emotional tolls, and the broader impac…
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85. Instructions Not Included: Why You Suck at Relationships
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Ever feel like you're fumbling in the dark when it comes to relationships? You're not alone. Many of us never received a clear guide on how to manage and nurture our romantic partnerships. This episode of "After the Affair" serves as your missing manual to better understand the basics of romantic relationships. What You'll Learn: Communication Esse…
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84. Breaking the Ranks: Navigating Infidelity in Military Marriages with Caz Grant
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In this episode of "After the Affair," Caz Grant joins me to explore the intricacies of infidelity within the context of military life. We delve into how the unique challenges of the military lifestyle can impact personal relationships and communication, leading to profound isolation and unmet needs. Caz shares her personal journey through the afte…
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83. Contemplating Infidelity: The Weight of Unseen Thoughts in Relationships
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21:39
In this introspective episode of "After the Affair," join me Luke Shillings as I take a closer look at the impact of our innermost thoughts on our relationships, especially in the context of infidelity. "Contemplating Infidelity" explores not just the actions that betray trust but the unseen thoughts that precede them. I examine the moral and emoti…
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82. Growth After Betrayal: Universal Truths
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In this transformative episode of "After the Affair," hosted by me, Luke Shillings I take listeners on an enlightening journey, connecting the vast, expansive nature of the universe to the deeply personal path of growth after betrayal. Discover how embracing a growth mindset can lead you from the darkness of betrayal to the light of newfound streng…
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81. Your Wife is Having an Affair. I Know Because it's with My Husband
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Join me Luke Shillings as I question the moral and emotional dilemma of whether to inform an affair partner's spouse about the infidelity. This is a deep dive episode where I explore the topic from both sides. Well worth a listen if I do say so myself! This complex topic is unpacked through personal stories and a thorough examination of the pros an…
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80. Should I Contact the Affair Partner?
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In this potentially uncomfortable episode of "After the Affair," join me Luke Shillings as I ask one of the most complex and emotionally charged questions faced by individuals navigating the aftermath of infidelity: Should I contact the affair partner? This episode unpacks the myriad of emotions, potential outcomes, and ethical considerations surro…
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79. Betrayal Unpacked: Two Ways to Heal
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20:53
In this episode of 'After the Affair,' I, Luke Shillings, dive deep into the heart of healing after infidelity. We explore two unique approaches to navigating the complex emotions and challenges that arise in the wake of betrayal. Without getting into the specifics of personal stories, I share insights into how we can tackle the overwhelming feelin…
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78. A Story of Betrayal: No Place Like Home
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Dive deep into the heart of healing with 'A Story of Betrayal: No Place Like Home,' a poignant episode of the 'After the Affair' podcast. In this episode, I'll take you on a journey that parallels the beloved tale many of us are familiar with, artfully connecting this age-old adventure to the emotional landscape of recovering from betrayal. Explore…
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77. The Intricate Dance Between People Pleasing and Infidelity
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11:40
Join me, Luke Shillings, whilst I unpick the intricate dance between people-pleasing tendencies and the aftermath of infidelity. I offer a deep dive into how our fears and insecurities can shape our perception of our partners, leading us to create imaginary versions of them that fuel our self-judgment and people-pleasing behaviours. This episode sh…
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76. Addicted to an Affair with David Essel
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Join host Luke Shillings on 'After the Affair' for an enlightening Episode 76, featuring the renowned counsellor and relationship expert David Essel. Dive into a conversation about personal healing, overcoming the victim mindset, and the path to meaningful relationships. David shares the necessity of addressing past resentments through therapy befo…
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75. 8 Steps to Healing part 2: Rebuilding and Renewal
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In this compelling continuation of our journey through healing, "8 Steps to Healing: Part 2 - Rebuilding and Renewal" takes us deeper into the transformative process of recovery from infidelity. Building on the foundational steps of Clarity, Belief, Forgiveness, and Growth discussed in Part 1, this episode explores the latter stages of the healing …
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74. 8 Steps to Healing part 1: Laying the Foundations
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18:43
In this first part of a two-episode series, I begin outlining the 8 steps I took to heal from betrayal and then dive deeper in to the first four crucial steps to recovery. With personal insights and practical advice, I aim to guide you through the process of gaining Clarity, establishing Belief, embracing Forgiveness, and fostering Growth. This epi…
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73. The Empathy Challenge: Conflict After Infidelity
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In this week's episode of "After the Affair," with infidelity recovery expert, Luke Shillings. He dives deep into the heart of relational conflicts, exploring the profound impact of empathy and understanding. With his signature warmth and relatability, Luke shares insights into how our unique life stories shape our perspectives, often leading to mi…
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72. How to Get Over Your Ex: With Breakup Coach Dorothy
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In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with the renowned Breakup Coach, Dorothy AB Johnson, to tackle one of the most challenging journeys one can face: getting over an ex after infidelity. Dorothy, with her compassionate approach and expertise, shares invaluable insights and practical strategies for healing and moving forward. We delve into the com…
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71. Is Forgiveness Necessary? Can You Reconcile Without It?
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25:00
In this insightful episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I delve into the complex interplay between forgiveness and reconciliation in the aftermath of infidelity. Drawing from my personal journey and professional expertise as a relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, I explore whether forgiveness is an essential c…
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70. The 3rd Law of Conflict: Can Isaac Newton Help us Heal?
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In this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings delves into the surprising parallels between Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion and conflict dynamics in relationships. Entitled 'The 3rd Law of Conflict: Can Isaac Newton Help us Heal?', this episode explores the concept that every action in a relationship, especially dur…
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69. Intimacy After Infidelity: Under the Sheets with Sex Expert, Lee-ann Cordingley
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Slide under the covers with me in this eye-opening episode of 'After the Affair', where I get intimate with the intricacies of reigniting the spark after infidelity. I, Luke Shillings, team up with the ever-insightful sex guru, Lee-ann Cordingley, to untangle the sometimes knotty, always vital subject of rediscovering sexual chemistry following a b…
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68. Reward or Punishment: Rewriting Our Reward System After an Affair
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Join me, Luke Shillings in this eye-opening episode of the After the Affair podcast. Dive deep into the complexities of how betrayal in relationships clashes with our inherent human reward system. This episode explores the psychological underpinnings of trust and the profound impact of its breach, drawing connections to our natural drive for reward…
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67. Facing Failure after Infidelity: Shifting the Narrative
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In "Facing Failure after Infidelity: Shifting the Narrative," Join me Luke Shillings as I explore the transformative journey of redefining failure in relationships post-infidelity. This episode delves into the emotional stages of recovery, the power of effective communication, and turning painful experiences into opportunities for growth. I invite …
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Welcome to a Special Year-End Episode of 'After the Affair' Podcast Join me, Luke Shillings, as I embark on a reflective journey through 2023, revisiting key themes and episodes that have guided us in understanding infidelity, healing from betrayal, and building resilience. This episode not only serves as a powerful summary of the year but also off…
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65. Choice or Obligation: Should I stay or leave after the affair?
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"Choice or Obligation: Should I Stay or Leave After the Affair?" explores the heart-wrenching decision-making process in the aftermath of infidelity. Hosted by relationship coach Luke Shillings, this episode delves deep into the emotional turmoil faced by both betrayed and unfaithful partners. Are you feeling like every part of you is saying you sh…
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64. Benefits of Healing from Infidelity
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24:29
We begin by exploring the importance of recognizing what's within our control and what isn't. This crucial step sets the foundation for healing, helping us to focus our energy where it can truly make a difference. Join me, Luke Shillings, as I delve into the transformative journey of healing from infidelity and the ways in which my healing helped m…
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63. What if it was me? Self-Reflection in the Wake of Betrayal
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21:05
Join me Luke Shillings in this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair', titled "What If It Was Me? Self-Reflection in the Wake of Betrayal." This episode delves deep into the introspective journey of understanding your own role in relationship dynamics, especially in the context of infidelity and betrayal. In this episode, we explore the ch…
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62. Overcoming Thought Addiction after Betrayal
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22:54
In this enlightening episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I talk about 'Thought Addiction', something that many individuals face post-betrayal. Discover how repetitive, negative thought patterns can take hold and how you can break free from this mental trap to find healing and empowerment. Join me as I explore the thinking behin…
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61. Once a Cheater: Possibly a Keeper?
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18:46
"Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?" Join me Luke Shillings as I challenge this oversimplified notion, bringing a nuanced perspective to the complex issue of infidelity and personal transformation. We begin by examining the human tendency to overgeneralise based on singular events to illustrate how our perceptions of likelihood and recurrence are of…
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60. Gaslighting an Affair? Take a look in the Mirror
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19:39
Join me in this enlightening episode of "After the Affair, where I delve into the often-overlooked phenomenon of self-gaslighting following infidelity. Hosted by myself, relationship & infidelity recovery coach Luke Shillings, this episode explores the subtle yet profound ways individuals unknowingly gaslight themselves after experiencing betrayal …
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59. Trust After Betrayal: Is There Hope?
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26:27
Explore the complex journey of rebuilding trust after the pain of infidelity in this insightful episode of 'After the Affair'. Join Luke Shillings, a dedicated relationship coach and podcast host, as he delves into one of the most challenging questions faced by those who have experienced betrayal: Can trust truly be restored? In "Trust After Betray…
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58. Why We Stray: Does Attachment Theory Explain the Unthinkable
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25:35
In this episode of 'After the Affair,' Join me Luke Shillings as I delve into the profound connection between attachment styles and infidelity. Discover how being Anxiously Attached, Avoidantly Attached, or Fearful-Avoidant can influence the likelihood and aftermath of cheating in a relationship. Whether you're healing from betrayal or looking to s…
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Welcome to the 'After the Affair' podcast trailer, your essential introduction to the gripping world of infidelity recovery and relationship rebuilding. Hosted by Luke Shillings, a certified relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, this podcast is your haven for navigating the turbulent waters of betrayal. Whether you're struggling w…
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57. Between Culture & Infidelity - A Journey of Identity, Love and Self Discovery with Yasmin Majid
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In this episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I sit down with guest Yasmin Majid as she shares her powerful story of love, resilience, and personal growth. Yasmin discusses her experience navigating a multicultural upbringing, her marriage of 23 years, and the unexpected revelations that led to its end. She opens up about the les…
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56. ’Humping’ After the Affair - Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Recovery
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23:36
In this eye-opening episode of 'After the Affair,' I explore the challenging middle ground of the healing journey - affectionately coined as "Humping After the Affair." Don't let the cheeky title fool you; we're delving deep into that frustrating plateau where you feel stuck between the pain of the past and the uncertainty of the future. You've mad…
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55. The Invisible Weight - Societal Pressures after Betrayal
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In this episode of 'After the Affair,' I take a look at the societal pressures that shape how we cope, react, and even move forward. While the emotional toll of betrayal is a weighty topic by itself, the expectations from friends, family, and even complete strangers can add an invisible weight that often goes unspoken. I explore the history of soci…
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54. Divorce after Betrayal - Expert Perspectives with Charlotte Tweed
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In this episode of "After the Affair," host Luke Shillings interviews Charlotte Tweed, a family divorce solicitor, about her personal experience with divorce and infidelity. Charlotte shares her own story of growing up as a third-party observer of her parents' relationship breakdown and how it influenced her career choice. She also provides valuabl…
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