Dr. Ramon Presson: Is There a Better Way to Fall in Love on the Dating Speedway?

The Swipe Right Effect: The Power to Get Unstuck

There's no way to love without risk, so to care about someone is to risk being hurt, and that's not only reality but there's a healthy vulnerability in accepting that risk.," says Dr. Ramon Presson, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist from Tennessee.
The premise of our talk with Ramon is that dating relationships, particularly post-divorce or just later in life, often accelerate quickly and then end quickly. They go up like a rocket and fall down like a rock. It's a challenge for two newly dating adults excited about each other and the relationship to pace the development of the relationship instead of jamming on the accelerator.

There are four main ways a couple accelerates and fast-tracks a new relationship. To explain and describe this I use the acrostic DATE

Disclosure -- Deep and personal self-disclosure quite early in the relationship

Affection -- The level of physical affection and sexual intimacy ramps up quickly, perhaps even immediately

Time together -- Early, the couple may see each other daily, spend most of the weekends together if possible, go on trips together early in the relationship

Expression of feelings-- One or both say "I love you" or "I think I'm falling in love with you" or "I think I could spend the rest of my life with you" too soon in the relationship.

The notion that "If we're meant to be together we will be" is a flawed belief. Couples can force a square peg into a round hole if they're determined to do so, not only fast-tracking the relationship but ignoring red flags "because we love each other." Likewise, a couple has the capacity to sabotage what could be a healthy and wonderful relationship by unwise decision making, including rushing the relationship toward a commitment.

Rushing a relationship to commitment is particularly an issue for divorce adults because statistically they tend to have shorter courtships and brief (if any) engagement period. Their reasoning tends to be, "Because I've been married before and divorced, I'm older and wiser, and I know what I'm looking for, and I also know what to look out for, so it doesn't take as long for me to know if someone is Mr/Miss Right." Well, that logic is certainly not being supported by the divorce stats for 2nd and 3rd marriages.

Ramon wants divorced adults to find love again and to remarry if they wish. He just wants to help them be smart and not unnecessarily hurt themselves and/or someone else by accelerating new relationships, losing control, and crashing into a wall.
But can people be in love and also be wise? Yes, Ramon believes so. He believes that knowing how to pace a relationship helps a person confirm that there is lasting attraction & spark, compatibility, emotional health, character & integrity, and healthy communication.
So, let's see what the good doctor has to say.....