Face of a Baby, Body of a Babe (Alita: Battle Angel)

Rude Dude Take Downs

Time for another anime-inspired property, and one that falls into the same pits as Blood of Zeus...Alita: Battle Angel!

Now, we deciphered a lot of this movies short comings come out of just being a pretty faithful adaptation to the original OVA (minus Chiren NOT being completely naked when she fixes Grewishka, which rude). Just felt like in a world where we're familiar with this genre of dystopian anime, you gotta at least brush on some of the established tropes to deepend the structure, if only to appease the western audiences! I know that's a little bit of a problematic statement, but big Blockbuster movies aren't for hardcore anime nerds! There's a happy medium with appeasing the hardcore fanbase while also sacrificing to make it a stronger western story.

I mean, come on, this movie moved simultaneously too fast and too slow! We did NOT need a full as 10 minute chunk where they played NOT BLITZBALL! They also omitted a lot of Hugo's backstory? But kept a lot of Alita eating...Whatever, WILD choices, and DEFINITELY not enough action! MORE ROBOT GUTS, and more Robot FUCKS for sure!!

Is Alita too much of a simp for Hugo? Is this faithful adaptation doing a deserve for a western audience? IS THIS THE BEST WESTERN ADAPTATION OF AN ANIME TO EXIST?! Yes, yes, and YES WE DUNNO TELL US IF YOU FIND A BETTER ONE!

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