Helping parents heal from estrangement with their adult children. Hosted by psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson, author of "Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child."
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The Reconnection Youth Ministry podcast will broadcast sermons from Steven Pickrell, TL Asbury, and Adam Jividen, the youth directors at Faith Christian Fellowship church in Buffalo, WV.
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Australian menâs health charity Mr. Perfect is all about BBQs and connection. Tune in to hear Founder Terry Cornick chat to health professionals and menâs health champions to delve deep on all things connection. Brought to you by: Terry Cornick, Founder & CEO of Mr. Perfect
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How do you set boundaries with estranged adult children, without making them mad? That was the question Tina addressed on a group Q&A call back in 2019. And itâs no less relevant today than it was at the time. In this episode, youâll hear the original recording in which Tina offers her thoughts on setting boundaries with an adult child who's using âŠ
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An unwanted estrangement from an adult child is a reason many parents seek some kind of counseling. Some go to therapy for the first time when their relationship with their adult child(ren) breaks down. Good therapy provides emotional support and often leads to insight. But truly successful therapy leads to profound and permanent changes through thâŠ
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Should you always obey a no-contact request from your estranged adult child(ren)? The short answer is yes. But short answers arenât always right for every situation. Each estrangement is unique. On the face of it, the question of whether to obey a no-contact request is a tactical one. But tactics rely on strategy. And when it comes to an unwanted eâŠ
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Why did your estranged adult child tell someone you were toxic, yet send a nice card for your birthday? Why do they keeping saying they need space, yet respond to everything you send with a heart emoji? Or, Why donât they ever respond, when they said it was okay for you to contact them? Questions like those leave unwillingly estranged parents feeliâŠ
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Is it wrong for parents to hope their adult children might show a little care, interest or concern for them? Is it really asking too much of adult children to simply ask, âHow are you, Dad (or Mom)?â That was the question Tina addressed on a group Q&A call back in 2019. And itâs no less relevant today than it was at the time. In this episode, youâlâŠ
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Is your estranged adult child a narcissist? Probably not. But they might still exhibit some narcissistic traits â just like the rest of us. In the interest of bringing compassion and understanding to the highly emotional topic of estrangement, Tina outlines the difference in this episode between ânormalâ narcissism and the clinical version, NarcissâŠ
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Emotional pain is part of the human condition. And it's almost a guarantee for parents whose adult children aren't speaking to them. Unwanted estrangement is one of the most painful things that can happen to a parent. How do you manage your emotions when your own child won't talk to you? It might seem like you have to wait for them to come around bâŠ
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There are many times during an estrangement from your adult child(ren) when you just donât know what to do. Sometimes thereâs a situation that seems to call for a decision â such as when a family member falls ill or passes away. Other times itâs a growing sense of frustration or despair that pushes for action. But because thereâs no generic bluepriâŠ
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Life is full of paradoxes. For example... The busier we are, the more easily we can handle an extra task. The more we demand respect, the less respect we seem to get. The more love we give, the more we have left in our hearts. And while everyone has to deal with paradoxes in life, parents of estranged adult children live with specific contradictoryâŠ
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Life is full of paradoxes⊠The busier we are, the more easily we can handle an extra task. The more we demand respect, the less respect we seem to get. The more love we give, the more we have left in our hearts. And while everyone has to deal with paradoxes in life, parents of estranged adult children live with specific contradictory truths that ofâŠ
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There are many more episodes to come! To find ALL episodes of the Reconnection Club Podcast, go to Reconnectionclub.com/podcast.Von Tina Gilbertson
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Safety can be physical â such as being safe inside during a storm â or emotional. In this important episode, Tina explains why âemotional safetyâ is more than a buzzword, and why unwillingly estranged parents benefit from understanding and embracing the concept. Emotional safety is important in close relationships. But for parents living without suâŠ
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Why is it so hard to be consistent in how you think or feel during estrangement from your adult child(ren)? Why does your heart sometimes ache for your adult child, and other times feel only frustrated and hurt? For some parents, thereâs a quiet but persistent inner conflict between personal growth and repairing an estranged relationship. Those parâŠ
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Following on from RC Podcast Episode 160 (see episode links below), Tina tackles two more cognitive distortions, or mental mistakes, that can make an unwanted estrangement feel even worse than it already does. In this equally eye-opening episode, Tina offers multiple examples of overgeneralizing and catastrophizing in the context of estrangement frâŠ
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For millions of people around the world who celebrate Christmas* â including parents unwillingly estranged from their own adult children and grandchildren â âthe most wonderful time of the yearâ can also be one of the least wonderful times. In this special Christmas episode for parents of estranged adult children, Tina normalizes emotional pain durâŠ
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Parents of estranged adult children may feel â and believe â that estrangement is an emergency requiring immediate action on their part. Itâs as though they stand to lose their adult child(ren) forever if they donât do something about it right now. No wonder it feels like an emergency! And if those parents donât know what to do, or if everything thâŠ
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These things are true about estrangement support on the internet: 1. Many estranged adult childrenâs forums contain mean-spirited remarks about rejected parents. 2. Many rejected parentsâ forums contain mean-spirited remarks about estranged adult children. 3. Mean-spirited remarks donât heal the pain of estrangement on either side. True support, inâŠ
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When your own adult child cuts you off, it can be deeply hurtful. And part of the reason for that pain is what it feels like their estrangement means. Many rejected parents believe itâs their personal flaws that prompted their adult children to create distance. They think that because theyâll never be perfect, thereâs nothing they can do to repair âŠ
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Itâs common for parents to believe that the âpunishmentâ of estrangement is supposed to fit the âcrimeâ â whatever it may be â to which their adult child is holding them accountable by keeping their distance. This idea that the length or perceived severity of estrangement correlates exclusively to an injury or injuries suffered by the adult child iâŠ
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What are parents supposed to do when estranged adult children leave their belongings at home? Thatâs a tricky question. There isnât just one right answer that will fit for every family. When youâre storing the belongings of someone whoâs not talking to you, youâre in a difficult position â both logistically and emotionally. How do you decide what tâŠ
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Estrangement from family is a kind of ambiguous loss. But some of the losses that are often associated with estrangement are definitive. They can be grieved. For parents who are unwillingly estranged from their adult children, there are at least five potential, definitive losses they might sustain during estrangement. Tina walks listeners through tâŠ
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Some parents of estranged adult children beat themselves up for parenting âmistakesâ they couldnât possibly have avoided. Others blame their children for being difficult, ungrateful or too sensitive. Whatâs missing from these simplistic assignments of blame for estrangement? Context. According to Tina, context is very often overlooked to the detrimâŠ
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Some parents experiencing estrangement from their adult children have known estrangement before. Not necessarily from other people, but within themselves. Self-alienation is a kind of internal estrangement that has become almost normal in our culture. With so much information available and so much to do, we're not always fully present. We lose toucâŠ
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Estrangement from family, like everything else, takes place against the psychological backdrop of human development. Far from ending in adulthood, development continues throughout the lifespan, and offers hope for change in any given week, month or year of our lives. In this interesting episode, Tina takes listeners on a brief tour of the concept oâŠ
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If your adult child is not responding to texts, emails or any attempts at contact, at some point you might begin to worry about the time thatâs passing during estrangement. This could happen for a couple of reasons⊠One frightening thought is that the longer adult child(ren) are estranged, the harder it will be to reconnect. Thatâs an understandablâŠ
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In this special two-part episode of the podcast, Tina reads a letter she received from an estranged adult child whose estrangement story began with childhood enmeshment. Youâll learn about enmeshmentâs impacts on children, and why those impacts are sometimes invisible to even loving, conscientious parents. Listeners may gain clarity about their ownâŠ
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On this special two-part episode of the podcast, Tina reads a letter she received from an estranged adult child whose estrangement story began with childhood enmeshment. Youâll learn about enmeshmentâs impacts on children, and why those impacts are sometimes invisible to even loving, conscientious parents. Listeners may gain clarity about their ownâŠ
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Parents of estranged adult children often carry unhealed emotional wounds from long ago. The pain of those wounds can be reactivated when adult children become estranged, especially if original injuries involved separation, loss, rejection or abandonment. For those parents, the injury of unwanted estrangement brings back the pain of old trauma (witâŠ
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Many parents exhaust themselves trying in vain to reconnect with their estranged adult child or children. While some keep struggling to come up with new things to try, others succumb to despair and begin to believe the situation is hopeless. In both cases, the question may arise: When is the right time to stop trying? This is one of the saddest queâŠ
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Breathe through your nose if you can. Make your exhale longer than your inhale. Slow down and deepen your breathing. All of those are simple, accessible ways to calm an upset nervous system. Controlled breathing is one of the oldest and most effective methods to combat stress over time. For parents unwillingly estranged from adult children and granâŠ
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NOTE: In offering a list of stress-reduction practices, Tina refers to both the third and fourth items as "Number Three." Please don't be distracted by the misnumbering; there are five separate items in the list. Many parents of estranged adult children know the pain of a broken heart. But for some, Broken Heart Syndrome becomes a medical crisis. AâŠ
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It may feel wrong to use words like âstrategyâ and âtacticsâ when talking about personal relationships. But healing from family estrangement, especially for parents unwillingly estranged from their adult children, often requires strategic thinking. Tina points out that âstrategyâ is simply a word for having a plan. Tactics are the âhowâ of any straâŠ
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Some parents of estranged adult children may already be familiar with the serenity prayer, popularized by AA and other 12-step groups: "God, grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference." Knowing when to take action and when to stand down is helpful in gently movinâŠ
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As soon as they realize their adult child or children are estranged, most parents will try to reestablish a connection as quickly as possible. And while itâs only natural to do so, racing to reconnect can lead to wasted time and energy â and sadly, needless extra suffering. In this short but vital episode, Tina explains why the process of genuine râŠ
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If your adult child has stepped away from your relationship by deciding to become estranged, then in general, it's not a good idea to make requests of him or her. Instead, it may be best to view this time of estrangement as a request from your child, that you examine your relationship and try to understand their decision. That's often the beginningâŠ
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The pain of estrangement from an adult child or children is, for many parents, excruciating. Some describe it as the worst theyâve ever felt. Itâs overwhelming, and feels unending. But to say that youâre in pain is not the full story. Itâs just a disturbing headline with no further information. To deal with pain, we must know its name. What is yourâŠ
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The pain of estrangement from an adult child or children is, for many parents, excruciating. Some describe it as the worst theyâve ever felt. Itâs overwhelming, and feels unending. But to say that youâre in pain is not the full story. Itâs just a disturbing headline with no further information. To deal with pain, we must know its name. What is yourâŠ
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If youâre the parent of an estranged adult child (or any adult child) who identifies as transgender or gender non-conforming, you might be asked to refer to them with pronouns youâre not used to. When your child was growing up, you called her âsheâ and âher.â Now youâre being asked to use âtheyâ and âthem,â âheâ and âhim,â âzeâ and âhir,â or other âŠ
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Parents of estranged adult children often worry that what's happening in their families may be part of a growing trend. On the one hand, it's soothing to know you're not alone when you're suffering. But on the other, fascination with "estrangement as a trend" is just one more way to take your eye off the ball when you're seeking to reconnect with yâŠ
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âManipulative.â Itâs an intimidating word, especially when other people apply it to us. What do they mean when they say weâre being manipulative? Some parents of estranged adult children are well acquainted with the word and the concept of manipulation. Either theyâve been accused of being manipulative themselves, or they find their adult child(renâŠ
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âManipulative.â Itâs an intimidating word, especially when other people apply it to us. What do they mean when they say weâre being manipulative? Some parents of estranged adult children are well acquainted with the word and the concept of manipulation. Either theyâve been accused of being manipulative themselves, or they find their adult child(renâŠ
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For parents unwillingly estranged from an adult child, it can seem as though forgiveness is the brass ring. If they can attain forgiveness, reconnection will be secured and the nightmare of unwanted estrangement will end. But is that true? In this interesting episode, Tina challenges the notion of adult childrenâs unwillingness to forgive â likeninâŠ
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The more parents learn about how to respond effectively to estrangement by adult children, the more they start to regret what they did (or didnât do) in the past. Regret is the price of change; when certain changes make sense, we almost always wish weâd made them sooner. But in this episode, Tina assures rejected parents that all is not lost if youâŠ
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The people who most need self-care are the least likely to focus on it. So if the whole idea of self-care seems boring to you, you might want to force yourself to listen to this episode! Itâs stressful to be estranged from your own adult child or children. Maybe there are also grandchildren involved, adding another layer of suffering to the unwanteâŠ
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If you get an opportunity for family therapy with your estranged adult child, there are things a parent needs to know. Family therapy is not mediation. Nor is it like marital or couples counseling. For it to be successful, family therapy with children of any age is something for which parents must be prepared. In this informative episode, Tina descâŠ
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Parents may be overjoyed at the thought of reconnecting with their estranged adult children, but thereâs often a more complicated experience in store for them. Many parents describe a continuing feeling of walking on eggshells. They feel as though thereâs a constant danger of backward movement, so they find themselves checking in about absolutely eâŠ
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Visiting websites where estranged adult children commiserate with each other... Worrying about influences beyond your control... Focusing exclusively on getting an emotionally distant adult child to communicate with you... These are a few ways parents waste precious time during unwanted estrangement from adult children. Itâs understandable to want âŠ
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Smart parents are keen not to waste time during estrangement from their adult child(ren). So they set about working on themselves in a good-faith effort to prepare for reconnection. If you have the time, energy and support for personal development, youâre ahead of the pack. But what does âworking on yourselfâ really mean? And who are you doing it fâŠ
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Smart parents are keen not to waste time during estrangement from their adult child(ren). So they set about working on themselves in a good-faith effort to prepare for reconnection. If you have the time, energy and support for personal development, youâre ahead of the pack. But what does âworking on yourselfâ really mean? And who are you doing it fâŠ
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Like every good driver, even good parents have blind spots. Sometimes the most well-meaning of efforts to parent better than they were parented can promote a disconnect between parents and their adult children. It's tragic that such good intentions can lead to such surprising and disappointing results, in many cases. In this two-episode series (lisâŠ
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