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Discover the Root Cause of People-Pleasing and Perfectionism Did you know these actions are just surface-level symptoms of a deeper issue? Join Cheryl Lutz, a Certified Biblical Counselor, pastor’s wife, and Bible teacher, as she explores the underlying causes of approval-seeking. Expect to find a wealth of resources, such as biblical teaching and inspirational interviews from other women who've found freedom. Tips for overcoming the power of other people's opinions and scriptures to help yo ...
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When life gives you a toxic mother, what do you do? You listen, learn, and change your direction! I’m Phylis Mantelli, author of the book “UnMothered: Life With A Mom Who Couldn’t Love Me.” This podcast is a place for mentoring and encouragement as we navigate the complexities of toxic parent relationships. Join me as I share my journey and invite God-filled guests to discuss emotional healing, overcoming childhood trauma, and personal growth. Together, we'll explore new thoughts and pattern ...
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Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor's wife, and mother. She is a regular contributor for ibelieve.com, and crosswalk.com and has written for Focus on the Family, Campus Crusade for Christ, and Christianity Today. She also is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services. When not working, she enjoys sipping a S…
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In this conversation, Cheryl Lutz shares her personal journey of seeking help for mental health struggles, emphasizing the importance of professional support and the impact of identity and shame. She draws parallels to the biblical story of the Bleeding Woman, illustrating themes of hope, faith, and the transformative power of recognizing one's ide…
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Do you do things in your marriage because it’s what you saw growing up or are you doing things differently because of seeing it go wrong for your parents? So many times we inadvertently do the traditional roles like our parents did. Even if those things are unhealthy, how do we know how to do it differently? Will it blow up in our faces if we ask f…
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Something that’s weighed heavy on my mind lately, is the subject of grief or sadness and how most people are so uncomfortable sitting with themselves and others through it. How do we get to where we are not rushed through this journey? We will all experience loss, sadness, and grief in our lifetime. Let’s get better at understanding it and helping …
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In this conversation, host Cheryl Lutz and guest Kim Hardy explore how placing pleasing people above pleasing God leads to anxiety and exhaustion. They open up about their own personal struggles with identity and the impact of societal expectations, underscoring the importance of understanding one's identity in Christ. The discussion also delves in…
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In this episode, we chatted with Jessica Van Roekel about rejection and how it seeps into our childhoods and adult lives. What happens when you start believing the lies that rejection can bring? And what does God want you to feel about rejection? Listen in as we discuss how it can affect friendships, careers, and the lens of how we see others. Jess…
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In this episode of the Secure in God's Embrace podcast, hostCheryl Lutz and guest Dr. Gayla Campbell delve into the dangers of unrealistic expectations and perfectionism. They share personal experiences, shedding light on these behaviors' devastating impact on relationships and grace's crucial role in overcoming perfectionism. They also highlight t…
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This episode is so special to me because Kristi Lowe is on the podcast. She shares her unmothered story with others to help share that you are not alone in your mommy issues. Kristi is a Christian author and speaker and hosts the Even If Podcast. She knows life rarely goes according to plan, family dynamics are complicated, and mental health is no …
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In this episode of the Secure in God's Embrace podcast, host Cheryl Lutz and guest Lori Ann Wood discuss the intertwined themes of people pleasing, perfectionism, and the spiritual journey through health challenges. Lori Ann shares her personal story of battling heart failure, the emotional toll of invisible illness, and the importance of lamenting…
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I was so excited to talk with my new friend Kim Hardy today. This episode dives deep into mental health and how to recognize the incorrect narratives we have for ourselves. She is an author and speaker passionate about giving women hope through Biblical truth. She seeks to inspire, renew, and restore hurting women so they can thrive and live joy-fi…
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In this episode of the Secure in God's Embrace podcast, host Cheryl Lutz and guest Shannon Popkin delve into the themes of people-pleasing, perfectionism, and control, exploring how these behaviors stem from a deeper need for validation. They discuss the biblical story of Abram and Sarai, highlighting the importance of faith and God's promises amid…
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This week's episode came as an anonymous request through my weekly newsletter, Tuesday Talks With Phylis (link in bio to sign up or head to my website!). Let’s talk about the do’s and don’ts of letting our children be a part of our mothers’ lives and what do you do when your toxic mom wants to be a part of your children’s lives? Can we let them hav…
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In this episode, Cheryl Lutz shares her personal story of falling asleep at the wheel and the chaos in her life at that time. She emphasizes finding security and significance in God rather than seeking validation from others. Cheryl reads from Ephesians 2, highlighting the transformation that occurs when we accept God's grace and understand our ide…
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We talked with Cheryl Lutz today about being a pastor’s wife, being a recovering people pleaser, and some of her own mother's issues. Cheryl Lutz is an inspirational speaker, certified biblical counselor, Bible teacher, and podcast host. She is likewise the author of Securely Held: Finding Significance and Security in the Shelter of God’s Embrace, …
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Part of breaking generational dysfunction is to stop allowing the excuse of, “But it’s your family.” When do we stick by family because it’s family, and when do we have to decide on something better? Over the years I’ve come to a realization that loving families show up and it’s a safe place, not a place that makes you more miserable when you are a…
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I had the pleasure to interview my good friend Christine Trimpe on the podcast today! She told her origin story of how this journey of being an author, speaker, and coach began. Her story starts with a mountain she wanted to climb but couldn’t because of her weight. From struggling with debilitating sleep patterns to a multitude of health issues, s…
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Can the things that were said to you as a child create a negative narrative as you become an adult? When I was watching the show Bridgerton on Netflix, the plot of the series stood out to me. The son had always held a narrative over his head because of actions or words that were said to him when he was younger. There is no need to have held a spot …
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Over the past few years, I’ve been studying the different types of toxic moms. Imagine my surprise when I started studying about toxic parenting and realized my mom was emotionally immature AND narcissistic! I never knew what to expect from my mom from one day to the next. It was exhausting trying to figure it all out. It made so much sense, but al…
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One thing I’ve learned over the years is that you can self-sabotage by letting your triggers control you. Let’s talk about the everyday life habits that may keep you stuck negatively. Are you allowing your scared feelings to control you and prevent you from becoming the confident, strong woman you are meant to be? How can we find some ways to slowl…
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How do we find the heart to heal those who have hurt us? We will explore what it means to forgive people who hurt you deeply. Do you need to forgive them? Should you? What does that look like? Let’s talk about this. I was asked in my private Facebook group of my Unmothered women, what to do when they are having a hard time wanting to heal a relatio…
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As I was channel surfing I stopped on The Bachelorette. I never watch this show anymore, but of course, I was curious! I swear God wanted me to hear this, Gabby Windey was on a date and they were talking about family. His parents had been married forever and loved each other fiercely. She started telling him about her fractured relationship with he…
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Most women don’t even acknowledge that their mom is a narcissist or may be toxic. In order to start your healing journey, you have to NAME the pain that has been done to you in your childhood. And I want to note, I’m not giving out professional advice! Apart from being a certified coach, I am not a doctor or therapist, so please take this as my per…
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Let’s dig into a deeper conversation about some signs and qualities that I’ve started to notice about people with narcissistic tendencies. A big question we must ask is, where it comes from (possibly) and what are some signs of things you yourself may be suffering from being around or living with a person who is narcissistic. Upon my reading and st…
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Hi peeps! We are taking July off and decided to re-publish our most downloaded episodes for you to listen to! We will be back in August with new episodes and don't forget to follow me over on Instagram to keep up. What was it like growing up in your home? In my home, I felt like I was constantly dealing with a teenager or even a child. While at the…
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Dr. Michelle Bengtson is an international speaker, a national and international media resource on mental health, and the bestselling, award-winning author of Hope Prevails, the Hope Prevails Bible Study, Today Is Going to Be a Good Day, Breaking Anxiety's Grip, and The Hem of His Garment. She is also the host of the award-winning podcast Your Hope-…
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As we watch young adults graduate from high school and college, the question comes up again; does having a diploma make you smarter and more successful? Can you maneuver through the world without schooling? And can different types of education or life skills can help you thrive? I always have mixed feelings at this time of year. So many emotions ha…
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Given the passionate social media opinions about the Harrison Butker speech, I thought this would be a great conversation to have with you all, being that it is about motherhood. It’s the age-old debate: are we more fulfilled being a mother, or are our careers more important than staying at home? Let’s talk about the stay at home mom being the most…
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Just because we are strong doesn’t mean we are healed. Do people think you have it all together because they perceive you as strong? How many times have people told you how strong you are or how normal you seem after they know about your hard childhood? We aren’t as strong as you think. We have had to be strong to survive. There is a difference. Wh…
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Even in the best of families, we have a tendency to put our opinions or traumas onto our children. We have patterns of behavior that can be instilled in them and when they grow up, they might recognize it’s not healthy, or they might end up with the same traumas themselves. How do we break this pattern off? I realized that I had unconsciously done …
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Mothering is one of the most important and confusing jobs you will ever have! I have been watching a few women on Instagram who are either new mothers or pregnant with their first child. Having raised my girls, I feel for these women, and at the same time I just want to hug them and let them know “there is no perfect way” and “you will make mistake…
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Lori Morrison is a committed advocate for strengthening physical, emotional, and spiritual safety in our churches. She's a former church staffer, and retired private investigator, as well as an author, podcaster, and speaker. She shares real stories at the intersection of faith and true crime to highlight actionable steps any of us can take in our …
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When you’ve grown up in trauma and have normalized some behaviors, you miss what is known as “red flag” in others. I’m giving full credit of this episode to Nate Postlethwait. because he talked about this on one of his posts and it got me thinking. One of the things we as women tend to do when we have grown up in trauma, is we think we know people …
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How do you define the black sheep in the family? Has this label been placed on you because you don’t abide by the dysfunction in your family? There is a difference between being the troublemaker or the truth-teller. If you are just trying to survive in a highly abusive family situation, you learn to fight and stand on your own. Do you always make t…
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I'm so excited to chat with Linda Goldfarb today on all things LINKED® Personality System! I became a LINKED® Personality Coach a couple of years ago, and I love this program. Whether sipping frothed coffee with friends, hiking with her hubby Sam, engaging in deep conversation with her children and grandchildren, or speaking truth with gentle boldn…
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How can you keep your faith through impossible circumstances? I recently watched an award-winning movie and it got me thinking about how long I could keep my faith alive and trust that God could perform a miracle. I think of our circumstances in our time. We feel completely smothered in our pain or situation. Not being able to breathe or have hope.…
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Looking back through the chapters of my first book, 'Unmothered,' it surprised me how honest I was in writing it! I poured my heart into it so others could see the truth of my challenging story, and I prayed it would inspire them to be honest about their own experiences. I've come to realize that the purpose of this book is to permit others to neve…
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Sara Cormany is a wife, mom, and follower of Jesus. A former speech educator and a storyteller at heart, Sara has long had a passion for helping others tell their stories---be it as a teacher, an editor, a writing coach, or a project manager in the publishing industry. She is an award-winning author and speaker whose days are traced by the grace of…
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If you’ve never watched the popular Netflix show Love Is Blind then you won’t understand this episode as much, but bear with me. I will be deep-diving into a few people from this show and even if you’ve never seen it, you might get what I’m talking about. The premise of the show is can you go into a relationship blind, never seeing what the physica…
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Do you ever think about what kind of impact you leave on people? Let's discuss how important your legacy is to people you come in contact with, relative or not. I have given so much thought to this as I have tried to manage the uncomfortable feelings of my brother’s suicide. The legacy he has left on his family, me, my children, his children and gr…
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We know about our physical health, but how about the emotional side of our physical health? On today’s episode, I’m interviewing Rachael Morris. She is a certified holistic health coach as well as a certified nutrition and macro coach. She’s been health coaching clients for 10 years and has helped hundreds of women develop plans to help their chron…
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Cherie Denna’s mission is to empower individuals to find a deep sense of belonging and belovedness in Jesus Christ in their everyday lives. She draws from her extensive experience in women's ministry, relapse prevention, prayer counseling, and recovery to inspire audiences to remove imposters from their lives. Her newly released debut book, Beloved…
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What kind of communicator are you with your kids? Are you a screamer or ignoring Mom? How you grew up can determine certain traits that may need to be broken within yourself, only if you recognize them. I was having a conversation a few days ago with another mom, and it occurred to me that when it comes to us moms and how we have been raised, one o…
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Do you trust the judgment of your children as adults? When we as moms can’t get out of our way to allow our adult children to live their own lives how can that impact our relationship with them? So many times I have sat in places at parties, family gatherings, and such where I overhear or have conversations with well-meaning mothers about their adu…
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Jacqueline Julia is a single mom of 2 young boys. Her first marriage ended in divorce and in a second marriage, she began to see signs of narcissistic abuse. She is currently separated and working through the healing process. This has led her to a new passion for helping to heal other women through their own struggles of trauma. She is receiving he…
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If you grew up with a scarcity mentality, can you have a healthy relationship when money comes in? At the beginning of January, I did a fast with my church. I decided to take 3 weeks off from watching TV. When I came back to it, my daughter and I watched the new Netflix game show “The Trust”. I began to realize that most people who aren’t ready for…
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Does grief get easier throughout the years? Short answer: that grief will always stay with you, it will just look different as time moves on. 40 years ago, I lost my first son Linton. There is no timeline for grief for sure. I cry just as much today as I did 40 years ago. The crazy thing was about 25 years ago, there was a time each year when I wou…
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What are you doing differently this year to find that balance of boundaries and peace with the difficult relationship with your mom? I will ask some questions today to see if this is the year you will start taking care of your mental health and find a place to balance out the struggle of loving and setting hard boundaries in your relationships. Thi…
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When I’m mentoring a woman, I hear this statement a lot “My Mother just doesn’t understand or get me. . .” and today, I am hoping to use this Linked® Personality Guide to fill this gap. A couple of years ago, I became certified as a Linked® Personality coach using the book LINKED® Quick Guide to Personalities by Linda Gilden and Linda Goldfarb. To …
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Trigger warning: This week’s episode contains talk about suicide. If you feel the need to skip the episode, feel free to do so. Let’s be honest, grief is a ‘B’. In November/December I had to walk through the many emotions of unexpected tragedy and loss. I was never expecting to do an episode like this when I started my podcast a year ago, but here …
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What does it take to be a trauma coach and what is a trauma coach? Why would you need one and how do you find one? In this episode, we are going to dive into what drew me to learn more about what trauma coaching was, how I didn’t know what I didn’t know about my traumas and triggers, and how I found Karrie Scott Garcia to teach me all the things I …
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