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The Couples Healing podcast is a resource to help husbands in their porn addiction recovery and to help couples restore the trust and connection again in their marriage. The effects of pornography addiction or sex addiction can be devastating individually and in the relationship, but with the right approach, men can learn how to stop watching porn, heal the pain it causes his wife, and rebuild trust again in the marriage. Each episode is designed to give you new insights, tools, and strategi ...
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Beyond Broken Vows | Christian Marriage, Adultery, Pornography Addiction, Sexual Betrayal, Intimacy
Emily & Johnny Spigelmire | Christian Marriage Recovery Coaches
***Top 1.5% Global Podcast*** Dear Betrayed, Are you in shock? Confused, devastated, hurt, angry and feeling like you are not enough? Do you feel like it must be your fault, like you should have somehow seen the signs? Are you grieving the death of the marriage you thought you had? Dear Betrayer, Have you been believing the lie that if people knew what was really in your heart and mind, they would turn their back on you? Have you been convinced that your wife and family would leave you and y ...
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Need help with sexual addiction, pornography, or sexual purity issues? You are not alone. We are walking the road of recovery, and this podcast is a casual approach to finding help, hope, and healing.
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172: When He Starts Making Progress, She Gets Scared He’ll Fall Back
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Sometimes when a husband is making good progress personally and in the relationship, his wife has fears and doubts: “How can I know that he’s telling the truth?” “What if he’s just gotten better at hiding it?” “it's scary to bring down my wall because I don't wanna get hurt again…” This can be discouraging for both people, especially if a husband r…
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81 | Giving Thanks In The Aftermath of Porn-Fueled Infidelity
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Ah, the holiday season! A time filled with twinkling lights, joyful gatherings, and, let's face it, a few emotional landmines for those who have been through the wringer with sexual betrayal. If the holiday cheer takes a nosedive because you discovered your partner’s unfaithfulness—whether it was last month, a year ago, or even two decades back—we …
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171: One Step 100 Times vs 100 Steps – The Few Skills That Matter For Progress on Self and Marriage
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In this episode, I reflect on a powerful moment from a couples counseling session where a wife expressed feeling overwhelmed by the journey ahead. I shared a mindset shift with them: it’s not about 100 steps—it’s one step done 100 times. Inspired by Bruce Lee’s quote about doing 10,000 kicks, rather it's practicing 1 kick 10,000 times, we’ll explor…
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80 | 7 Caveats for an Effective Healing Apology
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33:10
Making and apology to our betrayed spouse is one of the more important facets of our recovery process. However, have you had the experience when making an apology to your spouse, it seemed to cause more damage than give relief? So, what is the secret to a good apology and how can it be done with respect and honesty that can lead to true intimacy. S…
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170: 3 Step Framework to Solve Problems in Your Marriage and Overcome Pornography
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A lot of couples feel stagnant on this journey and don’t make the progress that they hope and it’s slow and discouraging. And what I’ve come to recognize as one of the most important aspects of this work is clarity. If you don’t have perfect clarity about what the unresolved issues are, what’s causing them, and how to address them, then progress is…
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79 | Redeeming What Was Lost, Stolen, or Given Away Through Adultery
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Have you ever lost something or had something taken away from you and you deeply felt the loss? Or perhaps you gave something precious away that you now regret or grieve and want to get it back. Would you be willing to travel a potentially painful path to have your loss restored? The path of redemption can be challenging at best and painful at its …
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169: Rebuilding Trust After Pornography Use (Assumed vs Acquired Trust)
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When a relationship is damaged by pornography use and dishonesty, many couples wonder if it's possible to actually fully rebuild trust again. There are often lots of staggered or trickle disclosures, which caused a lot of damage to the trust. So can it actually be rebuilt again? The answer is yes. But it requires a very specific approach and that's…
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78 | Forgiving the “Other Woman” - A Path to Peace After Sexual Betrayal Trauma
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On this show, we have often talked about forgiveness - the need for extending forgiveness and how to walk out forgiveness. It has been in the context of forgiving your spouse for sexual betrayal, but what about the other woman? Or women? There are many different scenarios and every marriage has a unique story of brokenness. But there is a common th…
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168: The Best Tool to End Fights Faster And Find Closure in Conversations
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Are you and your spouse tired of arguing about the same thing over and over again? Are you feeling stuck not knowing how to find closure and repair the damage of pornography use in your marriage? Most couples get stuck when discussing the pain and hurt they feel and conversations end in fights or distance. In today's episode, I want to share with y…
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77 | 4 Practical Steps for Vigilance in Recovery from Porn-Fueled Infidelity
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Have you ever found yourself in a situation that totally surprised you, leaving you unsure of how to react? It happens to all of us! When we’re on the journey to recovering from sex addiction, those unexpected moments can be particularly challenging. It’s important to be aware and not let our guard down, as staying vigilant plays a crucial role in …
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167: Managing Urges and Triggers vs Being Free From Them
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When a man struggles with porn pornography use, it can cause a lot discouragement and fear for both him and his wife. So many women live in constant anxiety that the other shoes going to drop and they're gonna get hurt again. Husbands often feel an underlying sense of inadequacy because they haven't been able to quit despite their best efforts to s…
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76 | What Do You Mean You Don't Regret Your Sexual Betrayal??
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When you hear the statement, "I do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it". What thoughts and/or emotions surface immediately? Our experience has shown us that the initial reaction from a betrayed spouse will likely differ from that of the one who has broken faith. The former will react in a posture of, "You better regret your past!". …
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166: Success Story: Mike Finds Freedom after 30 Years of Struggling to Quit Porn
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44:06
Mike struggle with pornography for 30 long years. The feelings of hopelessness and anxiety debilitated him at times because no matter what he did to quit, it just didn’t bring him the freedom he was so desperately seeking. He found this podcast and discovered that there was a new way to approach things after listening to some episodes. He decided t…
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75 | Heal With God From Sexual Betrayal, Shame, and Unforgiveness: feat. Heather O'Brien
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35:30
Have you ever wondered how to hear God speaking to you? When we have deep wounds such as betrayal trauma and sexual integrity issues, we can feel desperate to hear the voice of God. We want him to tell us what to do to get relief from the ever-present pain and anxiety we are experiencing to find freedom and healing. Today we are so excited to share…
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165: Why He Turned To Porn or Someone Else and Not His Wife - Explained
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19:35
When pornography use is discovered in a relationship, it obviously has such a huge impact on a wife. Understandably, she takes it very personal. It makes her question everything about the relationship, him and herself. She'll often and wonder if she good enough for him? Does he actually love her? If so, how could he have done this? What does all of…
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https://castimonia.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Season-08-Episode-14.mp3 Today I’m interviewing Chelsea and Layton Boovie of liberator podcast. Chelsea and Layton are on mission to help couples understand the impact of pornography and equip those couples to find restoration in their marriages. To learn more about Chelsea and Layton and their reso…
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74 | Guilt and Shame in the Aftermath of Sexual Betrayal
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If you are listening to our podcast on a regular basis, and we hope you are, you are likely working hard to stay married after porn-fueled infidelity. One challenging area that needs to be addressed in the recovery process is shame and guilt. Many times, shame and guilt are used interchangeably as though they are the same. Do you know there’s a dif…
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164: Live Call: Overcoming Inadequacy, Shame, and Procrastination
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Have you ever struggled with feelings of an adequacy or not being accepted? And has that been a trigger for you in the past that has led you down the path towards pornography use? If so, you’re not alone. In fact this is a really common trigger for a lot of guys because feelings of rejection or failure or not being enough create heavy negative emot…
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73 | Unashamed Unafraid of My Sexual Betrayal & Recovery Story, ft. Steve Shields
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We know our story of sexual betrayal and recovery is not the only one out there, so we are excited to share with you a compelling conversation we had with Steve Shields from the Unashamed Unafraid podcast. He tells his unique and very personal story of how a Christian man trapped in porn addiction was able to come to terms with his powerlessness, a…
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163: How to Soften The Pain of Betrayal Due to Pornography Use
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I once worked with a woman who was completely overwhelmed because her husband continued to struggle with pornography use. She was at her wits end. She felt like a ball of anxiety always waiting for the other shoe to drop and could never really feel comfortable in her skin and safe in the relationship. The moment she started to let her guard down it…
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72 | Praising God While in the Storm of Sexual Betrayal and Porn-Fueled Infidelity
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We had planned to update and replay episodes all this month to help us take things a little slower for our anniversary. Well, we got of our 2 most popular shows out, but this week we decided to share some new content with you. We want to give some encouragement and a little guidance to those of you who are struggling in the storm of your broken mar…
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162: The Blueprint For When A Husband Can’t Break The Cycle of Pornography Use Every Few Weeks Or Months
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It's very discouraging for both a husband and wife when a man gets stuck in the cycle of falling back into pornography. Use every few weeks or months. In this situation, a wife feels continual anxiety, just waiting for the other shoe to drop. A husband feels discouragement and hopelessness feeling like he's not making progress despite his best effo…
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https://castimonia.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/Season-8-Episode-13_-Kelton-and-Lynson-1.mp3 Today Chris tackles a sensitive topic with the help of Kelton and Lynson. Today we’re exploring a topic that’s close to the hearts of many but can be difficult to discuss—same-sex attraction. I know this subject can be deeply personal and complex, touchin…
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71 | From Shame to Freedom: Revisiting "His Story"
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It's been almost a year and a half since we first told our stories of sexual addiction and betrayal on our podcast. A lot has happened since then! We are so very grateful for the recovery, healing, and growth that both of us have experienced since D-Day in 2018. It has been due to God's help, tons of hard work on our part, and a great support commu…
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161: 3 Relationship Pillars to Help Create Connection and Security
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When pornography use is discovered in a relationship it undermines the very foundation and security. It often creates suspicion, fear, uncertainty, and a total lack of security and connection. After having worked with hundreds and hundreds of couples, I want to share with you the three of pillars that I've seen help create connection and security, …
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70 | Straight Talk: A Candid Revisit Of Our Most Popular Episode
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September is our anniversary month and we're celebrating by taking a break from creating new episodes this month, but rather updating and replaying a few of our most popular episodes. Today we are revisiting Episode #2 Her Story: My Husband Betrayed Me, where Emily bares her soul to tell the story of Johnny's marital infidelity* fueled by pornograp…
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160: What If He Secretly Returns to Pornography? How She Can Know, And 5 Ways He Can Rebuild Security
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One of the biggest fears that women have in this process is that her husband will return to pornography since she won't know about it. She’ll bring down her wall, start to trust him again, and then the other shoe will drop and she'll be devastated again. How can she know if he is still stuck in his pattern? If there’s been dishonesty in the past, h…
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https://castimonia.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/Season-8-Episode-12_-Developing-a-Recovery-Plan.mp3 Developing a structured plan with specific goals and action steps can be very beneficial in maintaining sobriety and recovery from sexual addiction. Join Chris today as he unpacks a few of his best practices. Here’s a breakdown of potential goals a…
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69 | 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #5 Spiritual Leadership
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Wives, do you have a desire for your husband to lead you and your family spiritually? Of course! Husbands, are you at a loss for what that looks like and how you can show up for your wife in this area? Yeah, probably. Unfortunately, in many Christian marriages, this is often a reality. A wife will take up the responsibility of being the spiritual h…
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159: Struggling to Quit Porn For Good? You're Likely Using the Wrong Tools (do this instead)
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Have you ever wondered why you haven't been able to quit pornography permanently? Do you feel like you know the tools but just aren't using them in the moment you need them most? If the tools you've been trying to implement haven't brought you freedom yet, you're using the wrong ones. This creates a problem in a relationship as well – A woman can't…
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68 | 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #4 Emotional Maturity
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40:43
Wives, are you trying to communicate your feelings to your husband and somehow it always ends up being about him. Are just not feeling seen, heard and validated? Men, is your wife explaining to you how she feels or coming at you with big emotions and you find yourself at a loss of how to respond? This can happen in any marriage, but when sexual bet…
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158: Success Story: How Kevin Eliminated Pornography Use As A Coping Mechanism
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Many couples fear that it's not possible to eliminate pornography use from their lives. Men struggle for decades with urges and temptation without the right tools. This leads them to fall back into old patterns and makes them believe they can't ever quit. Kevin was a man who went through my program and not only got the tools to quit pornography for…
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67 | 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #3 Keep Your Promises
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How much do you value keeping your word? And how does it make you feel when someone doesn't keep their word? For a betrayed wife, it becomes even more important that her recovering husband keep his word. This new display of reliability provides the safety and security that she desperately needs in a time of confusion and broken trust. When he makes…
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157: Build Security Back Into Your Marriage With This Easy, Effective Approach
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Many couples struggle with feelings of uncertainty and insecurity in their marriage. Years of deception and lying erodes the foundation of trust, and a lack of communication or transparency keep things stuck. In this episode episode, I share a very easy-to-implement tool that can help you to build security in your marriage again. But missing this c…
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66 | 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #2 Prioritize Her
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38:27
We all have priorities, whether we make them intentionally or they exist by default. At times our priorities can be misguided and cause pain for ourselves and for others. We also understand that priorities are important and it’s necessary to have them in the right order. And for a betrayed wife, it’s imperative to know that she is a priority to her…
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156: Is It Possible to Quit Porn and NEVER Return Again? (…yes, here’s how)
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Many men and women wonder if quitting porn is actually possible to do or if it's something that just needs to be managed for the rest of their life. The good news: YES! It's 100% possible to quit and never return. In this episode I'll share with you specifically what I've seen work best to help men quit Porn and never return. The more you have abou…
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65 | 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs...(Series) #1 See Her Pain
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34:17
Following the revelation of sexual betrayal, a couple must decide whether to stay together or not. Choosing to stay married initiates a complex journey of recovery and healing, filled with challenges and triumphs. However, the journey may be prolonged due to the betrayer's lack of understanding the needs of the betrayed. Initially, the focus is on …
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155: If She Stays, She Thinks He’s Just Getting Away With Everything
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21:34
One very difficult hurdle that many women struggle, with is the idea of forgiveness or staying in the relationship with someone who hurt them so much. If she forgives him, does that mean he's getting away with everything? Does it make her feel like she has no dignity left if she stays in the relationship? That she just accepts behavior she complete…
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64 | 5 Things a Betrayed Wife Needs From Her Recovering Husband (Series)
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Has the reality of porn-fueled infidelity in your marriage come to light? Have you both decided to stay together and want to do your part to save your marriage? Husband, have you decided to go all in on making it right? Are willing to do whatever it takes to recover from the devastating consequences of your bad decisions, but moving forward in your…
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154: LIVE CALL – How to Resolve Triggers During / After Sexual Intimacy
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Rebuilding sexual intimacy after damage by pornography can be a challenge for many couples. A wife often has fears and concerns like: How do I know he's not fantasizing when we're intimate? What if he's just using me and I'm being manipulated? I feel inadequate and not attractive enough A husband often wants to know how to help his wife through her…
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https://castimonia.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/Season-8-Episode-11_-Salvation-Pin.mp3 In today’s episode, Chris takes a break from sobriety and recovery topics to discuss the most important thing regarding sobriety and recovery…a relationship with Jesus Christ. Chris’s brother will be in Paris for about 10 days with International Sports Chaplain…
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63 | Got Porn Brain? What It Is and How It Affects You and Your Marriage
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49:25
It wasn’t until I stopped using pornography altogether and the fog lifted that I learned just how much effect it had had on my brain. The further I got away from the porn and the more days of sobriety I achieved, I found that I was able to think more clearly and process the difficult truth of my sex-addiction. Understanding porn’s effect on my brai…
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153: When She's Hurt By Him Looking at Women in Public
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Going out into public can create a lot of anxiety for both a husband and wife. She's worried about who he's looking at and what he's thinking about, and he's worried about her getting triggered and feels anxious not knowing what to do or how to help her. In this episode, I share with a few specific things that you can do to address this issue to he…
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62 | Social Media Hack Triggers Trauma From Porn-Fueled Infidelity
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How was your week? Did it go as planned? This week, a verse really hit home for us in a big way... We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9 Imagine this - just as we were about to hit the button to record today’s podcast episode, a sudden interruption caught us off guard. Johnny received a private message that sparked…
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152: 3 Things to Jumpstart Marriage Repair
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If you had to get to the other side of a mountain, would you rather take a tunnel through it or climb all the way up and around it? It still takes effort and intention to get to the other side, but one path is far more streamlined. In this episode I share with you 3 things that can help take you through the tunnel when it comes to repairing your re…
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61 | Is Joy Possible After Sexual Betrayal?
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After discovering your spouse had betrayed you sexually, what was your initial reaction? We bet it wasn’t joy. We know that there are many volatile emotions that come on the heels of that shocking and devastating news - among them pain, anger, and confusion. As you try to make sense of the senseless in your new unwanted reality, you may find yourse…
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151: From Grief, Sadness, and Hurt to Healing and Closure
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When pornography use is discovered in a relationship, there is often a lot of grief and hurt that surfaces. Shock about how this could have happened. Feeling stuck in pain not knowing how to make sense of it. And grief about what the relationship once was and uncertain about how to move forward. In this episode I share a few specific ways to approa…
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https://castimonia.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/Season-8-Episode-10_-Chrisdom-Part-2.mp3 Today in Season 8 Episode 10, Chris picks up where he left off on something he calls Chrisdom. Have you ever looked at someone with multiple years of sobriety and thought, “How the heck did they do that?!” Today, Chris shares some of his pro tips, lessons lea…
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60 | The High Cost of Freedom in a Sexually Betrayed Marriage
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Many of us have heard the phrase “Freedom Isn’t Free” and if you have not heard it, you likely understand the idea behind it knowing that in order to gain freedom of any kind some form of sacrifice needs to be made. And sacrifices are not called sacrifices because they are easy. Are you feeling like you’re trapped in a never-ending cycle of anger, …
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150: He’s a Source of Pain AND a Source of Comfort
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After pornography use, a husband becomes a source of pain as well as a source of comfort for his wife. this can be such a confusing place for both people to be. Sometimes she doesn't want to be around him at all, but other times she needs him close and for him to provide reassurance. As a man, oftentimes he doesn't know what to say or how to help s…
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