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Hello, I am a marital therapist, communications trainer and author. I have thirty-five years helping couples and individuals make better relationships. I have written twenty-plus self-help books which include the international best-sellers ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ and ‘How can I ever trust you again?’ My books have been translated into twenty languages. I trained with RELATE the UK’s largest counselling charity. Perhaps it has been turning sixty but I have become interested ...
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Matthew Fray is the author of the viral article “My Wife Divorced Me Because I Left the Dishes By the Sink”. His divorce left him emotionally crushed: struggling not to cry all the time, and finding it hard even to breathe. In this reissued classic episode, Andrew and Matthew talk about the lessons of Matthew’s failed marriage, and about how Matthe…
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Whether you’re a talented artist or a complete butterfingers, art and creativity can be a gateway to healing. This week Jungian analyst and professional artist Mark Dean joins Andrew to discuss the connection between art and psychological growth. Mark and Andrew discuss: The power of exploring imagery, symbols and fairy tales. How art can help us t…
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“Midlife is when those dreams we had when we were young but put aside to earn a living or raise a family can finally be revisited; it’s never too late to be what you wanted to be”. This is the philosophy of Noon, a community for women in midlife created by Eleanor Mills. Eleanor experienced her own reckoning with midlife after leaving her job with …
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If you and your partner feel more like roommates than lovers, this week’s episode is for you. Author, physician and spiritual teacher Dr Robert Carabelli shares with Andrew his top five strategies for keeping passion alive in a long-term relationship. According to Robert, sex is a gift from the divine, and you and your partner can reach “incredible…
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How do we live knowing that we will die? How can we face death, and how should we prepare for it? Dr Kathryn Mannix has spent her professional life working in palliative care, and the teams she has worked on have been involved in 10-15 thousand deaths. In this classic episode, Kathryn shares her insights into what it’s like to die and how we can lo…
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Is there an uncomfortable gap between your life goals and the way you are actually living? Do you tell yourself what you want is financial security, but then rack up big online shopping debts? Or perhaps a solid, connected relationship is your goal, but instead you're prioritising work and ignoring your partner’s needs. This week, counselor and aut…
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How do we find meaning in a difficult childhood and a troubled mother-daughter relationship? In this classic episode, Nigerian-American writer, mindfulness practitioner and educator Itoro Bassey speaks with Andrew about how to mother the wounded child inside. Itoro now lives in Nigeria (after being born and raised in the USA) and is the founder of …
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Many of us feel like we don’t quite “get” mindfulness. Even more have struggled to create a successful meditation practice. Andrew Holecek, author of I’m Mindful, Now What?, joins us this week to broaden and deepen our understanding of mindfulness, and show us how to integrate it into our daily lives. Our host Andrew talks with our guest Andrew abo…
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In this classic episode, Andrew speaks with coach and teacher Dena Justice about the work she does with women experiencing burnout in their careers and relationships. Despite loving her career, Dena hit a point where she felt empty - she was a classic case of a high performer and leader hitting burnout. That led her to choose a powerful pivot out o…
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Can the ancient teachings of Zen Buddhism help us engage with the challenges work, family and relationships throw our way? Teacher, author and Zen Buddhist priest Peter Coyote believes that they can: his new book, Zen in the Vernacular: Things As It Is, argues that Zen can be both a creative problem-solving mechanism and a moral guide; ideal for th…
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It isn’t hard as a parent to find advice on breastfeeding, your child’s education or managing their behaviour. What’s rarer is insight into how the parenting journey changes us as a person. Yet, becoming a mother is a unique opportunity to realise the self more fully. In this reissue of a classic episode, Andrew and Lisa take a deep dive into mothe…
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Many couples come to me complaining of a dissatisfying love life: some are in a low-sex or no-sex relationship, while others experience sex as boring and mechanical. In this episode, Diana Richardson shares her “Slow Sex” program, and suggests how you can create a more loving sexual partnership, well into old age. We discuss: Tantric sex, love and …
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Guardian columnist Tim Dowling has spent decades chronicling his marriage and family life for the Weekend magazine. His self-deprecating humour and determinedly cynical approach have made him hugely popular with readers. In this classic episode, Tim and Andrew discuss the layers that go into a joke. What exactly is it that we’re doing when we laugh…
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As children we were probably taught that being selfish was a great evil, to be avoided at all costs. Jungian analyst and author Bud Harris, however, feels that “sacred selfishness” can be a path to genuine self-love, forgiveness and the wholeness we crave. In this episode, Andrew and Bud discuss How to value ourselves and live meaningful lives we l…
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Some of us try our best never to think about death, while some of us “live in death’s basement”. Composer, academic and psychoanalyst Paul Attinello lived through the suffering and loss of the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s. After testing positive for HIV/AIDS, he built a creative and achievement-filled life, over which death nevertheless always loomed…
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Modern life - careers, technology, the pressures of parenting - can get in the way of our need to form strong attachments to other humans. According to therapist and author Charisse Cooke, when it comes to our intimate relationships, we are increasingly acting from a place of fear. We're scared we will choose the wrong person, or the person we are …
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Too many men struggle to be happy in their intimate relationships, and fail to find a healthy version of masculinity that works for them. Disconnected males, without a strong sense of inner guidance, can behave destructively and even abusively towards those around them. In this classic episode of The Meaningful Life, Andrew talks to Jed Diamond PhD…
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Would you like your life to be less focused on others’ reactions and more informed by your own principles? Would you like to stop feeling responsible for the experiences of others? This week I talk to therapist and author Dr Kathleen Smith about how to stop pleasing other people, find your authentic self, and, in the process, become less anxious an…
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We all think of infidelity as something that happens to someone else. When betrayal enters our own safe universe, it comes as a terrible shock. Many couples confronting infidelity end up re-examining just about everything in their lives: not just their marriage, but their work, their relationships with family and friends, and how they find meaning …
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People who have near-death experiences or who survive medically-induced comas report back disturbing and beautiful experiences. Some encounter ultra-vivid nightmares, while others undergo a deep, spiritual oneness with the universe or say they have glimpsed the afterlife. Journalist and author Alan Pearce and his wife, Beverly Pearce, are the autho…
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The Meaningful Life Classic Episode: Richard Paterson on “No More Overthinking”. Do you struggle to sleep, your mind buzzing with worries about the future? Do you compare yourself to others and find yourself always coming up short? This week’s episode is all about ditching overthinking and seeking happiness that ISN’T determined by external circums…
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If you’re feeling “stuck” in your relationships, asking new kinds of questions can be a powerful way forward. This week Andrew talks with filmmaker and author Topaz Adizes about starting conversations that lead to a deeper, more authentic connection. Andrew and Topaz discuss Topaz’s new book, 12 Questions for Love, and highlight the importance of: …
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The Meaningful Life Classic Episode: TRACEY COX on Great Sex After 50 No-one would deny sex is important to a meaningful life, but what that looks like changes as we age. In this first episode of The Meaningful Life, international sex therapist and Daily Mail columnist Tracey Cox discusses her book Great Sex Starts at 50: How to Age-Proof Your Libi…
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Grief is a painful and confusing journey. Often, the culture encourages us to “move on”, squashing our grief down so that those around us are comfortable. This week Andrew talks to author and grief coach Shelby Forsythia. They discuss: Whether grief can turn “toxic” Coping with other people’s responses Living with grief as your companion Creating g…
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Are you successful in the eyes of family and friends, but still feel empty and a little lost? Is there a nagging voice telling you that your life could have been bigger? Dr Esther Zeledon had scaled the heights of career success as a scientist and international diplomat, but suffered from a strong sense that things weren’t right. She left behind a …
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Grandparents love to spoil their grandchildren and make them happy, whereas as a parent, you take your responsibility for your children’s health and wellbeing seriously. This, together with different experiences of what childhood means, can be a recipe for anxiety and conflict. In this episode, parenting expert Sue Atkins talks with Andrew about ho…
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Parents like to feel they are independent individuals making their own decisions, but in reality parenting is hugely influenced by our own experiences of childhood. In this classic early episode, Andrew and therapist and author Philippa Perry talk about how we are “links in a chain", and why it is important for parents to recognise that and ensure …
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Each month, 20% of us embark on a new diet. Sadly, 95% of all diets prove unsuccessful. According to psychologist and author Dr Pam Spurr, emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is to blame. This week Andrew and Pam discuss the ways emotional eating is culturally ingrained, other strategies to self-soothe and how you can develop a more holis…
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As a child, were you made to feel like your feelings didn’t matter, while your parents’ feelings loomed large? Were your boundaries repeatedly crossed? Were you emotionally neglected? If so, you may have been raised by emotionally immature parents. In this episode Andrew talks to TikTok's popular healing transformation coach Dr. Kai Tai Kevin Qiu, …
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Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse in which a gaslighter undermines and controls another person by deflecting, twisting, and denying their reality. Gaslighting leaves victims second-guessing themselves, unable to make decisions and destabilised by constant shifts in reality. In this week’s episode, Andrew talks to author and psycho…
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Sex and pornography addiction is on the rise. It can affect young and old, rich and poor, male and female. Those who are in the grip of this type of addiction struggle to create and maintain "real-life" relationships, and their partners may experience feelings of grief and betrayal. In this episode Andrew talks with psychotherapist Dr Paula Hall ab…
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An anxious attachment style is very common, and can lead to chaotic and unsuccessful relationships. Research suggests that anxious types are more prone to insecurity, jealousy, codependency, and other behaviours that get in the way of finding and sustaining love. In this episode psychotherapist Jessica Baum talks with Andrew about identifying and u…
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People-pleasing is an ultimately futile and self-defeating approach to life. If we focus on making everyone else happy, we can end up frustrated, confused and resentful. Ironically, in trying to be “Mr Nice Guy”, people-pleasers often end up driven into behaviour that is anything but nice. This week Andrew talks to therapist and author Dr Robert Gl…
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If our partner really loved us, wouldn’t everything be a lot easier? If they were “the one”, surely we wouldn’t be losing our minds over towels dropped on the bathroom floor? In this episode marital therapist Dr Cheryl Fraser joins Andrew to discuss the destructive myth of the soulmate. According to Cheryl, there is no such thing as a soulmate. Whe…
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Good therapy changes lives: people stop worrying as much, they make better decisions, they are kinder to themselves and their loved ones, they achieve more at work, they can control their anger, they are able to stop destructive habits, they form loving relationships. This week therapists Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton talk to Andrew about their n…
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How can we live with loss? What can we do when death shakes to the core our comfortable belief that life is predictable, the world is just, and people are reliable? This week Dr Robert A. Neimeyer of the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition joins Andrew to discuss the work of grief. Andrew and Robert discuss the task of rebuilding meaning in …
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Have you allowed yourself to explore your sexual fantasies, or do they feel like dark territory that is off-limits? Have you explored them with your partner? This week I talk to Jungian psychotherapist Dr Douglas Thomas about his new book, The Deep Psychology of BDSM and Kink. We cover: Why it’s so hard to talk about your fantasies with your partne…
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If you were raised in a sad, chaotic home, you will unsurprisingly experience difficulties in your adult relationships. If your parents were cold and distant and discouraged the expression of emotions, you’ll be equally ill-prepared for successful relationships or effective parenting. This week Andrew talks to Dr Samantha Rodman Whiten (also known …
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Estrangement from adult children can be one of the most disorienting and painful experiences of a parent's life. This week, Andrew talks to Dr Joshua Coleman, the author of Rules of Estrangement. They discuss: Why estrangement has become so common Why estrangement isn’t a one-sided story of parents who got what they deserved or overly entitled adul…
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Could the ancient wisdom of Taoism help us with the emotional challenges of modern life? Author and Taoist priest Greg Ripley believes that a little-known 6th-century Taoist text called the Bai Yao Lu (Statutes of the Hundred Remedies) offers some profound answers. In this episode, Greg and Andrew discuss some of the Hundred Remedies, and how they …
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For many women, intense caring and nurturing relationships cause their inner fire to dim, leaving them feeling they have lost themselves. Author and Jungian analyst Lisa Marchiano’s new book is called The Vital Spark: Reclaim Your Outlaw Energies and Find Your Feminine Fire. Lisa wrote the book to help women “break free from the conditioning that h…
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Menopause is a seismic transition for women, and for their partners. The physical and emotional changes it brings will undoubtedly reverberate into a couple’s sex life. Irish therapist Beth Wallace believes that this transition can be an opportunity rather than an ending. While decreases in hormones definitely impact women’s bodies in some detrimen…
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If you’ve suffered serious trauma, you may well be feeling confused by the sudden ubiquity of the term. The concept of trauma is having its cultural moment in the sun, and seems to be constantly under discussion on social media. This week, Andrew speaks to Jeremy Fox, a therapist and trauma specialist, about: How to define trauma Different types of…
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I’m excited to launch my new online course for couples: My Best Relationship Tools. This week, I talk with my friend and podcast engineer, Michael Dooney, about how the course can make a difference in your relationship. We discuss: Why couples struggle to communicate How to stop using failing strategies New ways of approaching conflict How to liste…
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Each and every one of us is awesome in some way - but, we are also human. Author, speaker and entrepreneur Nataly Kogan wrote her Awesome Human Journal to help people learn to honour their humanity, whilst also strengthening their emotional fitness. In this episode, Andrew and Nataly discuss how to: Edit your thoughts and quiet your inner critic Sa…
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Hopes, dreams and goals stretch far into the future, but intentions are about the present. Setting intentions means translating your goals into small steps you can achieve right now. Intentionality offers you a roadmap for progress and personal growth. In this episode Andrew talks with therapist Erin Vandermore about what it means to set intentions…
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More than one third of adults suffer from insomnia or some other kind of sleep disorder. Left unaddressed, lack of sleep can lead to debilitated health, lowered resilience, and decreased performance in all aspects of life. Psychologist, author and spiritual teacher Philip Carr-Gomm’s latest book is The Gift of the Night. The book combines an extens…
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Better sex, coping with strong emotions, healing your inner child and harnessing the power of compassion: these were some of the big themes that spoke to The Meaningful Life listeners in 2023. Jon from the Marshall Method team of therapists is Andrew’s special guest for this New Year’s Day episode. Andrew and Jon each choose their favourite episode…
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Christmas isn’t usually thought of as a romantic holiday, but this week Dr Cheryl Fraser explores some of the ways you and your partner can share intimacy, sensuality and thrill over the winter break (however you choose to celebrate). Andrew and Cheryl discuss: Making the most of beautiful moments. Finding the strength to say no. Planning ahead so …
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American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson taught a path of self-reliance and self-knowledge. He emphasised self-knowledge and mindfulness as paths to happiness; also, self-reliance, cooperation, non-conformity, originality, adaptability, and receptiveness. This week, Andrew talks to author and teacher Mark Matousek about how Emerson’s twelve essenti…
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